Divorce inaction leaves wife in limbo
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, but always managed to work our way through them. Last year, he decided he no longer wanted to be married, saying the last 20 years “were not all that pleasant” and “we have never really gotten along.” (As far as I know, there isn’t another woman.)
My problem is, for the most part, he still ACTS like he wants to be married. He has made no attempt to leave, tells me his comings and goings, asks me to have dinner together, etc. However, he sleeps on the couch and there’s no sex. He says he does this because he hopes we can stay friends after the divorce.
I have yet to be served with divorce papers, so I’m thinking it may be a midlife crisis. Am I misreading his signals and he’ll snap out of it, or am I being strung along? — ANONYMOUS IN THE USA
DEAR ANONYMOUS: You are confused because your husband is sending you mixed messages. Could he be having performance issues? Do you still love him? I ask because nowhere in your letter did you mention it. The two of you are overdue for an honest discussion about whether your marriage is salvageable. If it isn’t, ask him when and if he plans to file for the divorce, because this situation has left you in limbo, which is unfair to you. Then consult an attorney to ensure you get a fair shake.
DEAR ABBY: I am a young adult who suffers from migraines, which make it difficult to have much of a social life. My family and close friends know about them and are supportive and understanding. However, I’m a private person and don’t like talking about it with new people.
It’s hard to make friends and go on dates when I know I might have to flake out at the last minute due to a migraine. What’s a good way to gracefully bow out of plans without seeming like a flake? Or should I just tell new people about my migraines? — HURTING IN NEW YORK
DEAR HURTING: Suffering from migraines is nothing to be ashamed of. More than 12 percent of people in the U.S. share your problem. While I don’t think it’s necessary to make an announcement about it when you meet someone, I do think you should tell the truth if you must cancel an engagement.
DEAR ABBY: Recently I’ve noticed more people saying “Excuse you” instead of “Excuse me” if someone is in their way. I consider it very rude, since the person being addressed often has no idea he or she is in the way before something is said. What’s an appropriate response when someone says “Excuse you”? — EXCUSE ME IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR EXCUSE ME: This is what I would say: “Excuse me? Excuse YOU! If you need to get by, all you have to do is ask politely.”