Boomer couples face retirement challenges
Marriage and family therapist’s new book offers roadmap for navigating new territory
By now it’s a known fact those of us who call ourselves baby boomers are not going quietly into the night.
For one thing, there is strength in numbers … and according to the AARP, 10,000 of us a day are reaching retirement age — a number projected to continue going up well into 2030.
Also, the estimated 77 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964 are working our tails off to stay active and healthy and relevant. We are not only holding off retirement longer, we also are holding 70 percent of the disposable income in this country. And more than half of us are still supporting our grown kids, for crying out loud.
We are big and vocal and powerful and, according to marketing experts, vastly ignored.
Fox Valley, Ill., marriage and family therapist Sally Strosahl noticed that five years ago when she began looking for books to help couples as they eased into retirement.
There were plenty of choices on finance, on vacations and tips for fun-filled retirements, said the Aurora, Ill., woman. But very little written work was out there on building stronger relationships while heading into this latest chapter in life.
Strosahl began her search for resources to help the many older couples she counseled in her Oswego and St. Charles offices.
But she also noticed this literary void on a more personal level. While she had no plans to stop working in the field she loved, her husband of 46 years, Tom Johnson, had retired in 2012 after four decades as a Beacon-News editor.
And she realized more than ever that her experiences in the office and in the home made her an ideal candidate to fill that void.
Thus began what she described as an exciting and at times arduous three-year writing journey that culminated with the recent release of Strosahl’s new book, “Loving Your Marriage in Retirement: Keep the Music Playing.”
Even though she came across a few similar books that have been published since she began this journey, Strosahl predicts there will be more devoted to this topic as we continue to see boomers hit this critical juncture.
Plus, she noted, “Baby boomers do love to read.”
True. But give me a gritty thriller or a historical novel over a self-help book just about any day.
Still, I have to say, “Loving Your Marriage in Retirement” is a self-help book heartily enjoyed as well as strongly recommended. And that’s not just because I’ve known the author — along with her stellar personal and professional reputation in this community — for many years.
For one thing, reading this book is like having a conversation with Sally Strosahl that, with or without a glass of wine in your hands, is always engaging and enlightening.
As I started chapter one, I began marking the passages I wanted to share, not just in this column but with my own spouse, as well as with close family and friends, including my own adult kids.
While “Loving Your Marriage in Retirement” is aimed at boomers, this therapist’s many thoughts and tips are jewels that fit partners of any age.
After all, marriage from beginning to end is about communicating, building trust, maintaining friendships and building emotional and sexual intimacy.
Still, its focus is on those of us either retired or on the verge of it, which can be a challenging time even for couples who otherwise have not faced major obstacles in life.
How many times, for example, have you heard a friend express concerns about how she — or he — will get along with a spouse who is retiring?
Strosahl covers it all — from helping navigate that unfamiliar terrain to offering common sense tips on how to be the best self you can be as you age. She also explores friendships, spirituality, lifestyle choices, grandparenting and serious illnesses.
Plus, she’s not afraid to venture into the bedroom, tackling even the toughest of sensitive issues including what to do if sex has stopped because of infidelity.
“This time in our lives,” noted Strosahl, “presents another opportunity to increase our enjoyment of each other and our satisfaction in our lives.”
What makes her book especially enjoyable is that husband Tom offers his own male-oriented thoughts in reflective vignettes at the end of many chapters.
“During 40-plus years of counseling here, there is very little I have not dealt with,” says Strosahl, speaking with the confidence of a woman who truly has seen it all.