THE LIGHTER SIDE
God bless America, and how’s everybody?
■ “Saturday Night Live” star Alec Baldwin was arrested by New York police on the street outside his loft in Greenwich Village on Friday for assault and battery. He beat up a man who’d tried to immigrate into his parking spot. His ability to stay in character between Saturdays is awesome.
■ The Distilled Spirits Council reported Friday that seven states still ban the sale of alcohol on Election Day. It’s just as well. Today voters face the most important midterm elections, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in recovery, it’s that vodka mixes well with everything except decisions.
■ President Trump ordered 15,000 troops to the Mexican border to block the caravan of migrants from entering the U.S. They’ve vowed to throw rocks. Trump should warn migrants who hurl rocks at U.S. soldiers hard enough to hurt them that they could be drafted by the Florida Marlins.
■ The National Advertising Council just released a public service commercial that brings back Nancy Reagan’s anti-drug crusade slogan from the ’80s. The TV ad urges you to just say no to drugs. The problem is, if you find yourself talking to drugs, you’re probably already on them.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ ArgusHamilton.com.