Friend-to-employee transition is difficult
Dear J.T. & Dale: After just three days, my friend fired me from a job working with her. I’m crushed. She told me it had to do with my voice tone and body language when she was showing me what to do. She said it was better if we just stay friends. Any advice? — LiAnn
J.T.: It sounds as though your friend is very sensitive to your thoughts about her and felt your communication style was sending a message of disapproval. She likely didn’t relish the idea of having you judge her and feared it would ruin your relationship.
DALE: That’s a lot to read into being fired, Dr. Freud. I’m thinking the reason is just the opposite, that you were unable to change the dial on your personality (voice tone and body language) from Friend to Employee. Your boss didn’t like the buddies vibe, which includes considering the boss’s directives as mere suggestions and her opinions as gist for conversations.
J.T.: That’s possible, but either way I think you should tell her you didn’t mean to send the wrong message and that you admire her work style and all she’s accomplished. That said, I wouldn’t try to salvage this situation. Your friend has already made up her mind she doesn’t want to work with you. So, find a new opportunity. I think you can find a new employer who won’t mistake your focus on learning something new as you being critical.
DALE: However, if this was a job you really wanted and one where you could be of value to your friend, you might suggest trying again.
J.T.: Which could put the friendship at risk.
DALE: True. And here’s a topic we’ll save for a long winter’s evening: Would you rather lose a good job or a good friend? Maybe, LiAnn, you could tell your friend this story from me: My wife once worked for me at a company I owned. I fired her three times. She just kept coming in. Eventually, we worked it out. That’s the story. I’m not suggesting you just show up, but tell your friend you’ve realized being an employee requires a different mindset, one you think you’ve figured out, and ask if she’d be willing to give it a 30-day trial. Be prepared to back off quickly, if need be, because I think our long winter’s eve would conclude that a good friend is harder to find than a good job.
Dear J.T. & Dale: I applied for a full-time job. I got through the hiring process, and they said they like me but weren’t sure if I could do the job. So they wanted to hire me as an independent contractor for 90 days first to see if I’m a fit. I was shocked. Can they do that? — Maurice
J.T.: Yes, they can. As an at-will employer, they can choose to hire you as either a contractor or a W-2 employee. My guess is that they are trying to avoid paying for unemployment if you should not work out. That said, if you love the job and the company, why not go ahead and prove yourself? If you exceed expectations, they may offer you the job sooner.
DALE: That bit about being a trial employee seems thin, right? After all, why hire someone they aren’t sure about? So it may be that they don’t want to explain the real issue, which may have something to do with headcount and budgets or other internal issues. Or, of course, they may truly have concerns about you doing the job. Either way, I’m with J.T. on urging you to get in there and prove your mettle. However, stack the odds in your favor. Tell them you want to be sure you succeed, so you’d like to know just how you’ll be evaluated. Then, long before your 90 days is up, ask how you’re doing. Make sure everybody is on the same page, the page headed “Maurice is not only going to be a regular fulltime employee, but a star teammate.” Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a career coach and the founder of the leading career site www.workitdaily.com. Dale Dauten is founder of The Innovators’ Lab. Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th St, 15th Fl, New York, 628 Virginia Dr., Orlando, FL 32803. (c) 2018 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.