Mom needs to stay out of son’s marriage
DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son recently married a woman who has an 18-yearold disabled daughter, “Lauren.” The girl’s mental level is between that of a 2- and 4-yearold. There have been physical confrontations between my daughterin-law and her disabled daughter, which are becoming more frequent. Our daughterin-law refuses to pursue facilities for Lauren, saying she is waiting for her to be transitioned into a group home and feels much guilt.
Lauren is currently in a day program, which doesn’t seem to be helping her. She has definite behavioral issues and has been put on a higher level of meds that haven’t helped. Psychologists, counselors and school staff are noncommittal about offering any help and haven’t advised on how to address this.
My concern is, my son and his wife now have a 6-month-old son, and I worry about the baby in this home environment. Our son loves his wife and thought he could handle the challenges that come with living with Lauren. He now says he thinks it is best to end the marriage. He has a high-pressure job, and his home environment is taking a toll on him, physically and mentally. Any advice is appreciated.
— MOM ON THE SIDELINES
DEAR MOM: I appreciate your concern, but if you are smart, you will remain supportively on the sidelines and not insert yourself into this sensitive situation. If your son feels so pressured he’s considering ending his marriage, he should be telling his wife about it and not his mother.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 31-year-old waitress and proud atheist. I’m one of the least judgmental people I know. Who other people love, or how they choose to worship isn’t important to me.
I have a regular customer who comes in to the restaurant about twice a month. He’s a pastor and one of the nicest guys I think I’ve ever met. He counsels new families and angry teenagers. I have tremendous respect for him.
The problem is, every time he comes in, he tries to get me to come to his church. It’s sometimes an hourlong conversation. At first I was polite about it and just said no thank you. Recently it reached the point where I said firmly, “I don’t need your church.” Abby, he still persists!
I don’t know what to do anymore. I wouldn’t feel right kicking him out of the restaurant. Is there a middle ground? — NONBELIEVER IN GEORGIA
DEAR NONBELIEVER: The pastor may be an evangelical, who feels that it is his duty to “spread the word.” The middle ground is to have another waitress serve him, if that’s possible. If not, ask your manager for guidance.