Working for beau’s mom not the best way to start a career
Dear J.T. & Dale: I’m a new grad in my first job, and I hate my boss. She is the most negative, frustrating person I’ve ever dealt with. I want to quit, but here’s the hitch — she’s my boyfriend’s mother! If I quit it will ruin my relationship with her, and likely my boyfriend. But if I stay I’ll end up going crazy. How do I get out of this unscathed? — Shayne
J.T.: Welcome to the realities of the working world, a place where some lessons are going to be painful. This is one of them. That being the case, I suggest you focus on finding a new job.
DALE: Well, Shayne, when my perky writing partner pulls down the shades on your job, it’s bleak. I’d love to say I’ve spotted an out that J.T. missed, but I can’t, and furthermore, I’m going to double-down and say that I don’t see your romance surviving.
J.T.: Let’s start with the job and hope it saves the romance. Once you’ve secured a new job, you can sit your boss down and say: “This is really hard for me because I don’t want to hurt our relationship. I’ve realized I want to take a different direction and have accepted a position that’s more in alignment with my goals. I hope you aren’t disappointed, and I’m prepared to do whatever I can to make sure we have a smooth transition.” If she really respects you, she’ll hold it together. If not, it will give you pause about what you can expect in the future. Either way, you’ll be better off. One important point: I would NOT discuss her attitude. If she presses you on why you’re leaving, don’t cave. Just stay positive and focus on the fact that you needed something different.
DALE: In my experience, bosses who treat employees shabbily do not agonize over one leaving — after all, such bosses believe employees are inferior beings and easily replaced. The issue here is the boyfriend. Face it, he should have warned you off the job. So he must be blind to his mother’s flaws. Now he’s going to have to pick a side, and if he gallantly chooses you, then you are the woman who came between a son and his mother. That’s a dead end. Thus, time for a fresh start, times two.
Dear J.T. & Dale: My current job is OK, but I’m not progressing as fast as I’d like. Some people I worked with years ago have a startup company that is doing really well, and they want me to join them. The problem is the commute — an hour each way. But the pay and the chance to work with these folks is super attractive. Do it? — Jamal
J.T.: It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. You don’t like where you are, and you already know you work well with the people reaching out to you. Plus, the pay is better. Why not use the commute to listen to audiobooks or podcasts? It could be the best way to improve yourself. And, if your new colleagues know you well, perhaps they’ll agree to let you work from home one or two days a week. I’d also ask them for a company car. Do what you can to make the offer go from “good” to “I can’t afford not to,” and you’ve got your answer.
DALE: Well ... we’re going to disagree. What you cannot afford, Jamal,
is to spend two hours a day in the car. No podcasts are that good. The commute will break down your spirits. Moreover, with a startup, you’ll probably need to go in on weekends and put in extra hours; plus, there will be social functions. The question isn’t should you take the job, but how soon can you relocate your residence. If it’s more than six months, I’d shoot for agreement to work at home most days or wait until the next great offer comes along.
J.T.: I still think a great job is worth the commute. Let us know how it goes, Jamal.
Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a career coach and the founder of the leading career site www.workitdaily.com. Dale Dauten is founder of The Innovators’ Lab. Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th St, 15th Fl, New York, 628 Virginia Dr., Orlando, FL 32803. (c) 2018 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.