Worker traumatized by peeping Tom nun
DEAR ABBY: Something happened at work that has me traumatized. I work at a retirement house for a convent. The nuns are sweet, kind and easy to get along with. But last week while I was using the bathroom, a nun decided to be a peeping Tom. She laughed at me in a taunting manner saying, “I can see you!” I screamed at her to stop, but she just kept looking and laughing at me. When she finally left, I was in shock.
I reported the nun to my supervisor as soon as I could, but later in the day I was still so humiliated and upset that I ended up having an anxiety attack. I can’t stop thinking about it. It left me feeling disgusted with the nun and with myself.
I want to report her to the police, but I don’t want drama at work. This is my only source of income. I need my job in order to provide for my kids, but I no longer feel comfortable working in a place where there are perverted nuns who don’t respect privacy.
I’m confused and angry, spending my days in my home crying and contemplating whether to file a police report. Please give me some advice. — TRAUMATIZED
DEAR TRAUMATIZED: I hope you realize that the behavior the nun exhibited is that of a 4-year-old. She may suffer from dementia. While the woman may have had good judgment in her younger years, clearly she does not now. It may be the reason she is living in that retirement community.
I’m curious about how your supervisor reacted when you told her what happened. If you cannot move beyond the trauma, talk to the director of the home and ask for counseling so you can regain some perspective. Filing a police report may not be the way to go.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are getting ready to retire. We are both employed and will have continued access to health insurance through our employers in retirement. My insurance covers her even if I predecease her, unless she remarries.
My wife now says she wants to carry her own health insurance because she feels she might want to remarry sometime after my death. Her interest in remarrying bothers me, and I feel guilty about it.
What depresses me is the question of who she would want to be buried beside — her new husband or me. We have been married 38 years, and the possibility of having a final resting place without her seems like I am being rejected, almost like a divorce. These are feelings I can neither shake off nor rationalize. Your thoughts? — LIFE GOES ON
DEAR LIFE GOES ON: Your wife is trying to keep her options open, which, although it isn’t sentimental, makes sense. There are no guarantees that if you predecease her, she will be swept off her feet, so you may be worrying needlessly. If you haven’t told her how you feel, it might put your mind at ease if you do.