Once again, red flags of domestic violence fly
Recent double murder displayed many of the warning signs that must not be ignored
The recent deaths of mother and daughter Laura and Shanta Hanish highlight some ugly truths that warrant reflection in the interest of prevention. The apparent facts, as relayed in the criminal complaint, are noteworthy as involving common domestic violence themes and red flags, including stalking behavior. Unfortunately, the red flags were not given appropriate weight.
That the killings occurred less than two weeks after the daughter broke off the relationship and tried to stop all contact, is also not surprising. Social workers, police and others knowledgeable about domestic violence know the risk greatly increases, especially when there have been previous threats and escalations, around the time that one person is leaving. The daughter, 19, had been dating the suspect for five years, apparently since about the young age of 14. That is not uncommon – the school-age couple who start experiencing some violence when one of them wants to go their separate way when older.
Besides stalking behavior, the real red flag that jumped out to me, as a former domestic violence prosecutor, was the suspect’s expressed suicidal ideation in the days before the incident. He had apparently been briefly hospitalized at his family’s urging. It is difficult to overemphasize that risk factor. That risk factor is precisely why the police send many units to suicide threat calls. Whether the person making the threat is serious or is merely seeking attention in their demented mind is inherently difficult to know. As suicidal people, particularly in the domestic violence context, too often kill others before killing themselves, one must err on the side of caution as the risks of being mistaken are dire. The suspect may not have been serious in his threats of suicide, but that does not matter to the victims who suffered unnecessarily and are sadly no longer with us. This may not be popular to express, but we simply can’t care as much about the “suicidal” persons, who by their nature are self-centered, as much as we should about the innocent people he or she is likely to harm.
The presence of one, or even several of those factors, does not entail that domestic violence is inevitable. But a critical mass of those factors should cause concern. Numerous books such as Gavin De Becker’s “The Gift of Fear” highlight those factors.
Although having a firearm is not the answer other than in true self-defense or defense-of-others situations, it is unfortunate that those close to the mother and daughter did not encourage them to seriously consider keeping a firearm with them at all times when home, even if they did not have time to get a concealed-carry permit in the limited time frame, or at least temporarily stay at a hotel or with a relative for some time. Ultimately, that is a choice each such person must make for themselves.
Most victims are female, but gender need not be determinative of one’s chances. Instead, one can take charge of their safety by being knowledgeable and proactive. My perspective was shaped by growing up with one relative who had been in prison, another who was a police officer and detective. It all combined with work experience later in life to provide, by osmosis, a very realistic, although necessarily grim at times, view of what people can do.
In the end, the facts in the referenced incident were, tragically, not surprising, but nothing here is intended to suggest the victims did anything wrong or that behavior can be predicted with certainty. An abuser is the only one at fault in any meaningful way. But if you know of someone in a similar situation, encourage them to refrain from treating their own safety as granted. Urge them to take control of their own safety, to rely on friends and other family as needed, and be self-aware and prepared in a healthy way. Don’t be a victim.