New hire seems suspiciously nosey; here to replace me?

Dear J.T. & Dale: My company just hired a bunch of new employees. I’m worried that one of them has been secretly hired to replace me. She keeps asking me questions

and is very focused on what I do, more than the others. What should I do? — Astrid

J.T.: I would set a meeting with your boss to discuss it. Mention how eager the one employee is and that you’re curious as to why she is so focused on your work. I wouldn’t flatout say you are worried for your job — that could make the boss wonder why you would worry. Instead, just say that while you appreciate helping her, you find it odd that she’s dialed into your work, and it made you feel you should confirm if this is what management wanted. That way, if they are preparing someone to replace you, they’ll know you are on to them. That said, it’s more likely she ASPIRES to have your job in the event you get promoted or move on. I’d take it as a compliment and focus on helping her develop her skills. Mentoring an employee can help with your status in the company!

DALE: Yes, I think you’re going to have to assume the best. After all, if you are right and she’s been brought in to replace you, stonewalling might just accelerate that process. However, my hope is that your presentiments are dead wrong. Invite this nosey new co-worker to coffee and ask about her job history and her plans and see if she acts suspicious. I’m guessing it will be quite the opposite — that she’s curious, not crafty. This seems likely because the company hired “a bunch of employees,” which means the company is growing and thriving and that’s your chance to grow, too. Hiring new employees means that some old employees will move up. Now is the time to increase your organizational visibility — volunteer for a companywide team, or come up with a plan to save money, streamline workflow or increase sales. Said another way, instead of closing up and getting defensive, open up. Don’t bring management your worries, bring your ideas.

Dear J.T. & Dale: This co-worker in my office just started selling for one of those MLM (multi-level marketing) cosmetic companies. She is harassing me to come to a show and to host one. I told her I don’t like to subject my friends to this, but she won’t stop. I’m this close to screaming at her, especially since I know she’s doing this during working hours. My boss doesn’t know, but if she did, she’d be furious. What can I do to make her stop before it ruins our relationship? — Aleksandra

J.T.: I would pull her aside and say: “This is really hard for me, but I need you to hear me on

this. Your constant request for me to get involved in your new venture is hurting our relationship. I am uncomfortable knowing you are doing this on company time. I also feel the pressure to host or attend an event is too much. For the sake of our relationship, can you refrain from asking me anymore? If I change my mind, you’ll be the first to know. I care about our friendship and don’t want this to impact it. That’s why I’m speaking up even though it’s so hard to do.” Let’s hope your sincere candor helps her see the error of her ways!

DALE: Do that and she’ll merely hate you while continuing to plague the rest of the office. So, to my own surprise, I say go straight to the boss. Even though I’m always suggesting working things out without involving management, in this case I’d just get it over with. Your pushy co-worker won’t know who mentioned it to management (as she’s surely bugging everyone), and therefore I’d assess the risk to the friendship as less than confronting her.

J.T.: Then you have two opinions because I’m sticking with the idea of talking to your co-worker. Let us know what you decide and how it goes.

Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a professional development specialist and the founder of the consulting firm jtodonnell. Dale Dauten resolves employment and other business disputes as a mediator with AgreementHouse.com. Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th St., 15th Floor, New York, NY 10019.