Understanding emotional signals

There is no going back to our previous normalcy. It is futile to try. In the last seven months our lives were turned upside down and we are shaken to the core.

No more random unplanned trips to the store without masking up. Retail therapy no longer! Going to the store or other public places is now scary. A gathering of people is a virus super spreader event.

Visiting your loved ones is a hesitant gesture and full of precautionary measures. Virtual doctor’s visits are becoming the standard of practice.

I need a new pair of eye glasses, but is it safe to go for a check-up? Even the banks are not open during their usual hours and the schools are still virtual.

Parents who are teleworking while taking care of kids at home are stretched in their capacity to cope with the new life demands.

Parents as teachers for their kids require a different skill set. Some of us are coping better than others, but the added requirement is nonetheless causing some unpleasant physical and emotional strain. How do you increase your capacity to cope?

How do you develop emotional agility when you need it the most? Sweeping your emotions under the rug and pretending that everything is fine is not the answer.

We readily label our emotions as positive or negative. The positive emotions such as love, compassion and courage are emotions of power.

The emotion of love for example can move you to do extra ordinary things such as lifting a car to save your loved one. On the other hand, we are conditioned to believe that negative emotions such as frustration and anger are to be avoided and controlled or even ignored.

These so called negative emotions can be signals for action. The signals are missed when we continually avoid or ignore them. These emotions will continue to send the signals for action until they burst into existence of noticeable symptoms of anxiety, depression or hopelessness. What can you do to develop your emotional agility?

There are many clinical experts focusing their lifelong study in understanding emotions. They basically say the same thing:

•You must first recognize your pattern of emotional responses. What triggers your negative response? How do you respond to these triggers? Acknowledge and notice what you are feeling. Don’t say “I am frustrated, but rather say “I feel frustrated.” While you own your emotion 100%, you are not your emotion.

•As you notice your emotion, give it a label. Feeling frustrated for example can be caused by many triggers. Identify the trigger and honestly define what is causing your frustration.

• Magnify your emotion. Look it in the eye so to speak versus sweeping it under the rug. Act it out, say it out loud or write it down and read it without judgment. Create a colored video in your head and subjectively observe yourself responding to your defined emotion and trigger. It can be funny.

•Accept that you are human with healthy emotional responses. Accepting your feelings without judgment will make it easier to let go. Trying to control, defy, ignore our emotions will only promote such emotional imbalance and physical unhealthy symptoms. Keeping everything inside is simply an unhealthy burden in the long run. You have this one life and it is not a dress rehearsal, I always say. Travel lightly.

•Listen to the action signals. Manage your feelings and take action. Feeling frustrated for example is your brain telling you that there has got to be a better way. It is an action signal. Simply act. If you are frustrated that you have to work at home with all the noise of your children in the house, assess your space and reinvent ways to find a quieter work designated place. Perhaps clean up a storage room or a backyard shed for re-purposing.

•Allow yourself to transform. Old thinking and ways of doing may not fix a novel situation. Staying frustrated without doing something different will not change your situation. This pandemic is not going away soon. It is forcing us to change our ways and it could be for the better.

Never again ignore those emotional action signals. Now that you know to listen.