Jackpot wins are fast way to losing
Dear Pedro Quezada of New Jersey,
Congratulations to you for being last week’s sole winner of the $338 million Powerball jackpot — the fourth largest in history!
Or should we offer you condolences?
As we’ve seen over the years, triumphant lottery tickets are often the ticket to ruin.
I shall quote my friend Allana quoting the late Notorious B.I.G. in her Stuttgart (Arkansas, not Germany) accent: “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”
Remember what happened to Hugo “Hurley” Reyes on Lost? He won $114 million — less than you’ll receive ($152 million as a lump sum after taxes)— in the Mega Millions with some cursed numbers, only to have nothing but hardship. In an attempt to decode the numbers from the original source — Sam in Australia — Hurley traveled down under, only to find out Sam had committed suicide to escape his bad fortune. When Hurley flew home, his plane crashed and he had to live on a creepy island with smoke monsters, murderers and such (or maybe he was dead the whole time)? Three years after the finale, we still don’t really get it. The point is, bad stuff happened.
And bad stuff happened to two Kansas brothers who won $75,000 with a scratch-off lottery ticket this year. Instead of buying motorcycles or Maui tickets, the bros celebrated by buying some marijuana and methamphetamine … that resulted in the blowing up of their home (butane vapor from torches used to light their bongs reached the furnace pilot light) and resulted in serious burns.
Perhaps no lottery winner has been less lucky than West Virgina’s Jack Whittaker, who won a $315 million Powerball jackpot (and netted $114 million) back in 2002. In the decade following, he became a gambler and carouser. His wife divorced him. Multiple
times he had money stolen, got sued and got in trouble with the law. His granddaughter and daughter both died of drug overdoses. “I wish I’d torn that ticket up,” he’d be quoted as saying.
It seems you, Mr. Quezada, already are getting a taste of the lottery winners’ lot.
You said that you — a 44-year-old Dominican immigrant and bodega owner who is father of five children and a grandfather — have no immediate plans for the money (except buy a car — you said you don’t own one).
But the Passaic County sheriff’s office has plans for it.
It seems you owe $29,000 in unpaid child support, going back to 2009.
“Because of Mr. Quezada’s large winnings, generally the New Jersey Division of Lottery would satisfy the judgment before all of the winnings are released,” Sheriff Richard H. Berdnik was quoted as saying. “Like everyone else, until this warrant is satisfied, Mr. Quezada is subject to potential arrest.”
Which means, prepare to hire a lawyer — heck, a whole team of them — for this and all those future suits. Any women you did have children with will want to renegotiate child support sums. And many women you didn’t have children with will suddenly be coming forward to blackmail you. And strip club employees will drug your drink and steal from you (at least that happened to Whittaker). And frauds will find a way to be “struck” by your new cars (which will be regularly broken into). And swindlers will “slip” on your business’ (now for sale) and new mansion’s sidewalks.
By the time you’re done catching up on child support, being sued and getting scammed — assuming you haven’t been, eek, kidnapped or, yikes, murdered (both have happened to lottery winners) — we figure you’ll be left with exactly $2.
Hey, you can play the Powerball again! Sincerely, Jennifer