MONEY MANNERS
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: We have a neighbor problem. Recently, the folks next door re- landscaped their front yard and, in doing so, they cut down the part of our juniper tree that had grown over onto their property. Unfortunately, with such a big chunk of our tree now gone, the rest of it is starting to die. So far, we haven’t said anything to our neighbors. What’s the best way to handle this situation?
— C. T.
DEAR C. T.: Begin by finding out from the city whether your neighbors had the right to remove the portion of the juniper on their side of the property line. They may well have. If that’s the case, there’s not much you can do, as unhappy as you may be, except to ask your neighbors — nicely, of course — to give you a heads- up the next time they plan to take a saw to your vegetation. If that makes them feel ashamed for giving your juniper a buzz cut without first letting you know, good. If, however, you learn that your neighbors didn’t have the right to cut back your tree, ask a lawyer what steps you can take to be compensated for your loss — and ask before you speak to your neighbors. You need to know what to say if they don’t offer to do the right thing.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My wife and I have always given our children and their spouses nice checks on their birthdays. We enjoy doing this, and we can afford to write the checks. Well, now our son “Tim” has asked us to stop giving money to him and his wife, saying that they have a lot more than we do ( we knew that) and that it makes them uncomfortable to take ours. We know they mean well, but we’re unhappy and hurt. Since when do children have to be in need before parents can give them checks for their birthdays? We raised all of our children to be independent adults, and, happily, none of them “needs” our money. But we don’t see why they can’t enjoy receiving it and spending it. What do you think?
— C. S.
DEAR C. S.: We think you’re right. Even if your son and his wife are tied with Bill Gates at the top of Forbes’ list of wealthiest Americans, they should just accept your gifts with thanks. It’s bad enough that they fail to grasp both the pleasure you take in giving these checks and the fact that the money was never intended to cover the cost of things you thought they couldn’t afford. But Tim and his wife are missing something much more fundamental: that gifts matter to the givers, not just to the recipients. Particularly, gift- giving is an important way of expressing love, appreciation and good wishes. And in your case, it also goes hand in hand with your role as the heads of your family. Your son and daughter- inlaw may be loaded, but they still have a lot to learn. Luckily, they have you.