Passport no smiling matter

Thought your driver’s license or passport photos were always bad?

Yeah, well. If you haven’t had any taken lately, you’ll doubtless find that your previous photos of this ilk were Annie Leibovitz masterpieces in comparison.

Because at least, you were able to smile in them … that is, if you had a chance to get in a smile before some stern, doesn’t-sufferfools-gladly agent captured you in all your glory.

Nowadays, you can’t do any tooth-showing smiling or grinning in your passport or Arkansas driver’s license photos.

Hubby and I recently had passport photos taken knowing nothing of the State Department guidelines that, according to a story on cbsnews.com, changed during the summer of 2004.

“The subject’s expression should be neutral (nonsmiling) with both eyes open, and mouth closed. A smile with a closed jaw is allowed but is not preferred,” according to the guidelines. Toothy smiles are considered “unusual or unnatural expressions,” according to the story.

Funny thing is, our last passport photos were taken about a year and a half after the no-teeth rule came into effect. But at that time, we were allowed to show teeth. We certainly received a rude awakening a couple of weeks ago, when we were preparing for our oh-so-perfectly-timed passport renewals.

When I headed to the Drugstore on the Corner for my passport-pic close-up, I wasn’t even given the natural closed-mouth-smile option. I was simply told that no smiling would be allowed.

“Oh, so they’re making us look like people did in those old nosmile daguerreotypes from the 1800s,” I mumbled.

I tried at least to look sophisticated, hoping there’d perhaps be a twinkle in my eye. After all, one can carry off serious, closed-mouth expressions and still look decent, right? Sure, but I am not one of those people. In both photos, I looked as though my laxative had kicked in during a root canal.

The photo-taker was not unsympathetic. “I know,” she said. “We’re used to being able to smile in our pictures.”

Well, yes, and we’re used to being able to look humanoid, I groused silently.

Dre took his photos a few days later. Sure enough, his passport photos can compete with the best Wanted posters.

The website wisegeek.org explains the reasoning for the State Department’s anti-toothy-smile rule: International security measures.

“Many modernized airports now use advanced biometric scanning devices that contain facial recognition software. Ideally, a targeted passenger’s face can be

scanned electronically and compared against a database of legally obtained passport photos. Distinctive biometric patterns, such as the distance between a person’s eyes or the shape of his mouth, can rarely be sufficiently altered to prevent a match.”

I understand that the technology of the science fiction movies has come upon us (and I wasn’t expecting to be able to pose like a pinup

girl). But must we be made to look so sinister that we run the risk of being placed on the No Fly List?

Oh, well, I thought, at least we’ll be able to cheese it in our state identification cards.

But then came a dreadful thought. What if the states have adopted the same no-smile policy? Back to Google. Sure enough, the headline “Four states adopt ‘no-smiles’ policy for driver’s licenses” (usatoday. com) leaped out. Sure enough, Arkansas was one of the four states. But the story was from 2009. My current, teeth-showing

driver’s license was issued three years after that. Apparently, as with the 2006 passport photos, we were allowed to slip through the cracks and show off our “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” grins.

As luck would have it, we will also have to have my driver’s license and Dre’s state identification card renewed soon. Oh, well. Something tells me we will not slip through the cracks this time and that we’ll each be bearing two government-issued clock-stoppers, for which we’ll need concealed-weapon

permits.