‘ I do’ becomes ‘ I don’t’ in March, August
The month is almost over. Here’s hoping the same cannot be said for your marriage.
A study out of the University of Washington, presented at the recent annual meeting of American Sociological Association in Seattle, suggests that — just like weather patterns, fashion and overpriced coffee drinks — divorce also is seasonal.
Associate sociology professor Julie Brines, along with doctoral candidate Brian Serafini, studied divorce filings in Washington state over a 14- year period — between 2001 and 2015.
They found that the petitions reliably peak in two months: March and August. When plotted on a graph, it kind of makes a cat head, with March and August as the tips of the ears. How appropriate given the number of catty arguments that certainly lead up to such dissolutions.
Why March and August? What makes those months the marital kiss of death? Brines believes that “domestic ritual” timing dictates why splits spike after the winter and summer holidays.
“People tend to face the holidays with rising expectations, despite what disappointments they might have had in years past,” Brines says in a statement. “They represent periods in the year when there’s the anticipation or the opportunity for a new beginning, a new start, something different, a transition into a new period of life. It’s like an optimism cycle, in a sense.
“They’re very symbolically charged moments in time for the culture.”
Meaning, people hold off from initiating divorce during the fall ( why ruin everyone’s new school year, trick- ortreating and turkey and dressing?). They stick it out through Christmas ( holiday specials make everyone believe in Yuletide miracles; Scrooge and that Grinch guy changed!). They hold off through January ( because one can’t very well kiss herself on New Year’s Eve) — at least some do; Jan. 5, when more American couples seek separation than any other day of the year, is known as “Divorce Day.” And then they finally make a move after February ( hmmph, another Valentine’s Day, and not even so much as the last- minute obligatory box of the cheapest chocolates!).
March finds many unhappy couples marching to the courthouse. Or at least “consciously uncoupling”; yes, even Gwyneth Paltrow served her pretentiously worded split memo in March.
But, then it’s time for spring break. And Easter. And Mother’s Day. And graduations. And then it seems daunting to end a marriage just as the kids are ending school. And then it’s Father’s Day. Then there are all those warm- weather weddings to attend ( and one prefers a date; if you must suffer, so should he).
So everyone sucks it up for another summer of hot temperatures and hot tempers, until things finally boil over in August.
We suspect there are probably other reasons why people choose these months.
March: Because tax returns help lawyer fees not be so taxing. Because March provides opportunities to wallow in pie and shed tears into green beers
( it’s the month of Pi Day and St. Patrick’s Day). Because “March Madness” doesn’t just relate to college basketball. Because your partner’s snoring meant you were never able to observe World Sleep Day ( March 18). And because you’ll have something to celebrate the next month ( April 14 is Ex- Spouse Day).
August: Because there are too many gnats and mosquitoes around to be dealing with any more pests. Because too many reruns and too few good movies out means too few distractions and too much togetherness. Because your spouse always failed to observe Fresh Breath Day on Aug. 6, or any day. Because, instead of observing Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night ( Aug. 8), he was sneaking over to the neighbor’s bedroom for, uh, dessert. And because it is the month of National Failures Day ( Aug. 15).
If you can manage to make the marriage work these last two August days, you should be good for another six months.
But if not you’ll be celebrating Love Litigating Lawyer’s Day ( Aug. 31) with the litigation of your love life.
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What’s in A Dame is a smirk at pop culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock’s KURB- FM, B98.5 ( B98. com), from 5: 30- 9 a. m. Monday through Friday.