Laboring for fall

September brings us pumpkins, punctuation and pianos

September is when Labor Day falls, leaves fall, fall falls, pirates with their blunderbusses blunder off the plank, watermelons plop down, and line dancers trip the light fantastic. 1 Fall Hat Month, National Head Lice Prevention Month, Happy Cat Month. September is the month of three things a person is apt to find on his head. HEARTACHE TONIGHT Drama The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter through Sept. 10 at Arkansas Repertory Theatre, Little Rock. Details at therep.org. Call (501) 378-0405. LOADS OF FUN 2 Watermelon Weigh-off, 11 a.m. at Historic Washington State Park, Hope, in search of the region’s biggest watermelon. Details at historicwashingtonstatepark.com. Call (870) 983-2684. GRIDDLE ME THIS 3 How Week: to Batter celebrateup. National Waffle BOOM WITH A VIEW at dark from Laborthe middleDay fireworksof Lake Hamilton, Hot Springs. Details at hotsprings.org. Call (501) 321-2277. EASY DOES IT 4 Labor Day. A day that celebrates work by grilling hot dogs is like a day that celebrates free time by folding laundry. PIZZA PARLANCE 5 Train robber Jesse James’ birthday, 1847; National Honey Month, Cheese

Pizza Day. Stick ’em up, sticky ’em up, stuck to the box. CLASS ACT 6 Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week; New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s 55th birthday. The governor resigns to take up substitute teaching —

says: “I just want some respect.” LITTLE SEARCH ENGINE THAT COULD 7 Google is founded, 1998. Google search turns up the baby’s first

words: “google-google.” KEEPING UP WITH THE CARDASSIANS 8 Star Trek boldly goes with TV airing of the first episode of the original series, 1966. FIXER MIXER Tinkerfest, 1-4 p.m. at the Arts and Science Center for Southeast Arkansas, Pine Bluff, includes bike repair shop. Details at asc701.org. Call (870) 5363375. CALIFORNIA SCHEMIN’ California admission day, 1850. California admits La Jolla is no more jolla than Palo Alto is pally. 10 MEMAW, PEPAW HOO-HA National Grandparents Day. Southern Living magazine reports favorite names for grandma include Cookie, Gaga, Gigi, Mamoo, Noni, Mimsy and Moo. Grandpa? — generally known as, “He’s somewhere out back.” SPRY WITH HIS BOOTS ON 11 National Line Dance Week — when even the wildest cowboys have to draw the line somewhere. FOREVER BLOWING BUBBLED 12 How to celebrate Chocolate Milkshake Day: Stir out with Moo

and Mamoo. DANCE HOMER’S MOVE: FAVORITE D’OH-SI-D’OH! 13 International Square Dancing Month asks: What is the correct

spelling of the square dance move in which two dancers pass around each other back-to-back? — (A) Doe-see-doe, (B) Do-si-do, or (C) Mares eat oats, and do-si-d’oats, and little lambs eat ivy. Answer at Sept. 28. GOOS IN THE NEWS 14 Cream-filled Doughnut Day. Rub a cream-filled doughnut, and the

Twinkie of the lump will grant three squishes. WANNA BE YOUR BAND 15 Beatles at the Ridge Music Festival through Sept. 16, Walnut

Ridge. Details at beatlesattheridge.com. HOMELAND INSECURITY Trouble-with-the-authorities drama Little Brother through Sept. 16 and weekends through Sept. 30 at The Weekend Theater, Little Rock. Details at weekendtheater.org. Call (501) 374-3761. TOGETHER AGAIN 16 Janet Jackson, 8 p.m. at Verizon Arena, North Little Rock. Details at verizonarena.com. Call (800) 745-3000. WET’S WHAT YOU GET White River Water Carnival at Riverside Park, Batesville. Details at mybatesville.org. Call (870) 793-2378. MAYFLOWER MOVE Pilgrims set sail from England to the New World, 1620. Furniture follows a month later by low-bidder Two Hunks and a Galleon. RAPID EYE MOVEMENT 17 Hawk Watch, 10-11 a.m. and other dates through September at Mount Magazine State Park near Paris. Details at mountmagazinestatepark.com. Call (479) 963-8502. SIMPLE MATH 18 National Singles Week — when one and one equals one. PIRATES-YARR-US 19off the InternationalDay, plank: and what Talkto say Like on a the Pirateway m “Avast! And I was so looking forward to pumpkin spice season.” m “Blimey! Would it change your mind if I said my parrot can’t swim?” m “Son of a biscuit eater! If I’d known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have paid the electric bill.” COWS, SOWS, WOWS Faulkner County Fair and Livestock Exposition through Sept. 23 at Conway Expo Center and fairgrounds, Conway. Details at faulknercountyfair.net. TAKE-A-LOAD-OFF FANNY PACK National School Backpack Awareness Day. Some find it uplifting,

some get bent out of shape. HARLEY-HAR-HAR 20 Bikes, Blues and BBQ motorcycle rally through Sept. 23, Fayetteville. Details at bikesbluesandbbq.org. HOT WHEELS Petit Jean Antique Automobile Swap Meet through Sept. 23 at the

Museum of Automobiles on Petit Jean Mountain near Morrilton. Details at museumofautos.com. Call (501) 7275427. Rosh Hashanah. Jewish New Year

BOOS IN THE NIGHT 21 Horror novelist Stephen King’s 70th frightful birthday and day of the dead candles. DAYS AND EEKS TO COME

Hot Springs International Horror Film Fest through Sept. 24 at Central Theater, downtown Hot Springs, with TV forensics expert Joseph Scott Morgan and actress Deborah Vorhees (Friday the 13th, Part V). Details at hotspringshorrorfilmfestival. com.

RAKES AND ACHES 22 First leaf-raking day of fall.

I love fall a bushel and a peck, A bushel and a peck And a chigger on my neck; A chigger on my neck, And a zinger in my back, A zinger in my back, And a poison oak attack; I love fall. SCI-FI HIGH-FIVE Spa-Con media and comics convention through Sept. 24 at Hot

Springs Convention Center, Hot Springs, with guests Shannon Purser from Stranger Things and Sheryl Lee and Sherilyn Fenn from Twin Peaks. Details at spa-con.org. Call (501) 321-2277. DUCK! Farmyard frolic Giggle, Giggle, Quack through Oct. 8 at Arkansas Arts Center Children’s Theatre, Little Rock. Details at arkansasartscenter.org. Call (501) 372-4000. 23 GREMLINS IN THE KREMLIN LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct.23): Is today your birthday? If so, then who needs cake? Even-tempered Libras are so popular, somebody is bound to invite you out for a whole dinner, not just dessert. Balance the scales with fellow Libras William Faulkner, born Sept. 25, 1897; and Serena Williams, 36 on Sept. 26, if not Vladimir Putin, 65 on Oct. 7. SUN GOIN’ DOWN ON ME Fall Equinox Celebration, 4-7:30 p.m. at Toltec Mounds Archeological

State Park near Scott. Details at arkansas. com. Call (501) 961-9442. RHIZOME AND SHINE Central Arkansas Iris Society rhizome sale, 8 a.m. at Grace Lutheran Church,

Little Rock. Details at centralarkansasiris.org. Call (501) 416-6390. 25 National One-Hit Wonder Day gives it up for Carl Douglas (“Kung Ku Fighting”),

Right Said Fred (“I’m Too Sexy”), and Anthony Scaramucci (“The Mooch”).

TIPTOE THROUGH THE JULEPS 26 Ladies’ happy hour comedy The

Savannah Sipping Society through Oct. 21 at Murry’s Dinner Playhouse, Little Rock. Details at murrysdp.com. Call

(501) 562-3131. EGGS ALLEGRO 27 Chicken Month, National Piano Month. With a cluck-cluck here and a plunk-plunk there, here a peck,

there a plink, everywhere a cuck-a-doo duet. WOULD YOU BE MINE, COULD YOU BE MINE 28 National Good Neighbor Day reminds: Good neighbors don’t

leave baskets of cucumbers and zucchinis on their neighbors’ porches. m “The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.” — Mr. Rogers

Do-si-doozy quiz answer: (B) Do-sido, or dosado, and promen-aaaaaaade home. KLATCH ON 29 National Coffee Day, National Biscotti Day — both at once. Coincidence? We think so, we drink so,

we dunk so. Yom Kippur. NEW LEASH ON LIFE 30 Hot Springs National Park Kennel Club Dog Show through Oct. 1 at Hot Springs Convention Center. Details at hotspringskennelclub.org. BRAHMS DA BOMB Arkansas Symphony Orchestra season opener, Go Brahms, 7 p.m. Sept. 30 and 3 p.m. Oct. 1 at Robinson Center Performance Hall, Little Rock. Details at arkansassymphony.com. Call (501) 666-1761.

OUT WITH A BANG Fall Demolition Derby, 7:30 p.m. at Parsons Stadium, Springdale. Details at rodeooftheozarks.org. Call (479) 7560464.

Coming next month: October! Write to Ron Wolfe at rwolfe@arkansasonline.com

by Sept. 15 to suggest October calendar entries or how to celebrate October as National Spinach Lovers Month, such as: with cando, canned-ewww confidence. All entries require a web address and/ or phone number that is answered during business hours.