MONEY MANNERS
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My partner and I both earn good livings and keep most of our finances separate. When we met, he owned a small home, and after I moved in, I paid rent plus half of the expenses. Later, he bought a cottage for $40,000 — that was 25 years ago — and I’ve paid half of the expenses there as well. Fifteen years ago, we left his house and moved to the country. Because this was a move I wanted more than he did, I bought the new house. But he refuses to pay rent or anything toward the taxes and insurance — expenses I help pay on his cottage. Since this seems unfair, I suggested that he sell me half of the cottage, which of course has significantly increased in value over the years. He’s agreed, but thinks I should pay half of the current value. Since I’ve been paying upkeep all along,
I think I should pay half of the 1992 price. What do you think of this whole arrangement? He’s a bigger bully than I can be, which is why he always gets his way. If I stop paying, I know he’ll find a way to get back at me financially. — Shelley
DEAR SHELLEY: We hope your partner has a few virtues as well. But to answer your question: Of course he’s being unreasonable to expect you to pay market value for a share of a property you’ve been helping maintain for over 25 years. What’s more, his position on the cottage seems to be symptomatic of a much greater problem — namely, that this guy appears to be deliberately taking advantage of you at every turn. If you’re not prepared to push back, and you say you aren’t, you have only two choices: tolerate the bullying or leave. While you think that over, we urge you to take this man’s name off any bank or other accounts where you may have given him signature power or power of attorney. We don’t mean to be alarmists, but prudence dictates that you protect your money from your self-serving partner — just in case.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My wife works for an art supply store, and I work in the commercial lending department of a bank. Most of my wife’s co-workers think of themselves as artistic, and consequently assume I have the most boring job on Earth (it probably would be, for them). But a few of her fellow employees believe that all banks are evil incarnate and that the people who work for them aren’t much better. One of these folks came up to me at the shop’s Christmas party, and with a big, fake smile, asked me what my background was that led me to work in a bank. When I told him I had an MBA, he gave me a superior look and snidely said, “Oh, I’m more of a people person myself.” I was speechless. How do you think I should have responded? — Seriously Annoyed
DEAR S.A.: By saying, “You could have fooled me.” Seriously, your disbelieving silence was entirely appropriate.