ON CHRISTIANITY

Christian evangelist the Rev. Billy Graham died Feb. 21. He wrote several weeks worth of columns before his death.The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette will continue to run his words in this space through his final column, which will run March 20. DEAR REV. GRAHAM: I was convinced I’d be happy once I got divorced, since all we did was argue. But now I’m lonely and miserable, and sometimes I even wish we were back together. It won’t happen since he’s remarried, but what can I do? I wish I could start over.

—D.F. DEAR D.F.: One of life’s hardest lessons — and one we often forget in the heat of the moment — is that we can’t change the past. We can mourn it, or try to forget it — but we can’t change it, nor can we change the consequences of what we’ve done (or failed to do).

But this doesn’t mean we can’t change the future — because we can, with God’s help. Listen: God doesn’t want you to be chained to the past! Yes, divorce almost always brings with it great hurt and regret and sorrow. After all, divorce is like a death, because it marks the end of a relationship with someone you once loved. It also marks the death of our hopes for love and security and companionship, and often introduces new problems and struggles.

What can you do? First, don’t just focus on your broken dreams, or on what might have been if you’d tried harder. Instead, seek ways to fill your life with new friends and new opportunities. In addition, many churches have programs on divorce recovery; find one that could help you.

The most important thing you can do, however, is to turn to God. He loves you, and He knows all about your hurts and your loneliness. By faith open your heart and life to Jesus Christ, and discover what it means to walk with Him every day. God’s promise is for you: “I have loved you with an everlasting love. … I will build you up again” (Jeremiah 31:3-4).