Here’s how to explain American holidays to international guests.

How explain these crazy Americans?

WE WERE AMUSED the other day when, upon hearing fans call the hogs at Omaha, some of the baseball players from Oregon asked a reporter: What are they saying?

For the record, it’s woooo. Pig. Sooie. Razorbacks.

For the uninitiated, Arkies sometimes have to call up the livestock. And we’re not talking about ancient history, either. If the cows are in the back 40, or the hogs interested in something else, you’ll have to yell “sooie” to get their attention. If they’re hungry, they’ll come. And they’re always hungry.

You’d think that such notions would come natural to folks. Then again, we all must realize that a boy needs to be taught which end of the bat to hold. Let’s not take things for granted.

We imagine our visitors from around the world were confuzzed this past week by the July 4 celebrations. The paper had a story about the Fulbright scholars that were teamed with families around the state to help celebrate Independence Day (and will be teamed with families later to celebrate Thanksgiving). If you’re going to explore a foreign country, you have to participate in its holidays. And we imagine more than once our young scholars from around the world wondered just what th’ heck was going on.

As for an explanation, and a public service, allow us to clarify: First, we were making a lot of noise deep into the night. And making the dogs hide. Call it tradition! As one of our founding fathers noted: “I am apt to believe that [the date] will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.”

That was old John Adams, who might have been old even when young. He was an stern Puritan, but he knew when to cut loose and party. (He allowed it once a year.)

Americans were also cooking. Yes, we Americans will take to the backyard even in July 4 heat, and light a fire, and stand over it, if the result is grilled dead animal flesh. With some barbecue sauce dribbled over it. And a few ears of corn and maybe some squash brushed with olive oil and oregano. The smarter people—aka mom—will volunteer to make potato salad inside. Mad dogs and Englishmen will go out into the midday sun for chicken quarters and pork tenderloins.

Yes, the hot-dog eating contest is new. We’d suggest watching something more appetizing.

To “have a fifth on the Fourth” is just a joke. But more than a few of us had cold ones Wednesday evening. That’s tradition too. George Washington allotted a double ration of rum to the Army grunts every July 4 during the Revolution. Remember, we started all this in 1776 (actually 1775) but the war for our independence was fought for several years.

We watched baseball. We pledged allegiance. We argued politics. We ate too much. In short, we acted American on this very American of holidays. If there’s another holiday that says more about this nation, we’ll show you come November, when we give thanks to Providence for all of this country’s blessings, for which there are many.

Good luck in your stay, y’all. As for these crazy Americans, we’ll explain as we go.