Things we’re against

Some­times you have to take a stand

Arkansas Democrat-Gazette - - EDITORIAL PAGE -

“Take a line.” —H.L. Mencken

READ­ING the news from last week was, in part, in­spir­ing (the cave res­cue in Thai­land), in part fright­en­ing (any of the sto­ries in­volv­ing North Korea) and some­times even en­ter­tain­ing (watch­ing Democrats try­ing to find any­thing on Brett Ka­vanaugh). But some­times the news was down­right spooky.

In the great tra­di­tion of ed­i­to­rial op­po­si­tion when the op­por­tu­nity arises, we give you, this week­end day, Things We’re Against:

The pa­per said there has been some­thing of an in­va­sion in the Caroli­nas, as the longhorned tick has sud­denly ap­peared there. The blasted thing is a na­tive to Asia, so how it got on these shores is any­body’s guess. But likely it came on a plane.

It’s “ex­otic” and an ag­gres­sive biter, ac­cord­ing to the ex­perts. It’s also just as ca­pa­ble of spread­ing dis­ease as its Amer­i­can cousins. Thank­fully, it’s also vul­ner­a­ble to the same in­sec­ti­cides.

This thing threat­ens peo­ple, pets and live­stock. And it’s a tick. We’re happy to say about these blood­suck­ers: We’re against them.

NPR re­ported the other day that a man in Ari­zona saw a snake pop out from un­der the hood of his car. And climbed his wind­shield. While he was driv­ing.

First things first: With­out pulling over, he started shoot­ing video of the vis­i­tor. Next, he turned on his wind­shield wipers, but the snake re­port­edly treated it like a ride, go­ing up and down with the wipers.

The snake fi­nally re­treated un­der the hood and dis­ap­peared. As of this writ­ing, it hasn’t been ac­counted for. We’re against snakes in our en­gines. Time to sell the car.

Speak­ing of snakes, a man in New York state was sound asleep in his bed­room when a snake dropped from the ceil­ing. It was a big one, too. A 6-foot­long boa con­stric­tor.

Au­thor­i­ties say it came from the apart­ment up­stairs. The man wasn’t in­jured, the snake was re­turned to its own­ers, but that doesn’t make it OK. We are 100 per­cent op­posed to boa constrictors drop­ping on peo­ple as they try to sleep. We can’t com­pro­mise on this one.

We watched the movie trailer for The Nun dur­ing an out­ing to an­other film. The trailer made us jump out of our seats. (How in the world was that ap­proved for view­ing for all au­di­ences?)

Yeah, we won’t be watch­ing that movie. We’re against heart pal­pi­ta­tions dur­ing en­ter­tain­ment.

But the “oh, uh-uh” story of the week might have been this one, out of China: A 737 pas­sen­ger jet dropped, ac­tu­ally plunged, 25,000 feet af­ter a co-pi­lot mis­tak­enly turned off an air con­di­tion­ing sys­tem . . . in an at­tempt to hide his vap­ing.

We’re not 100 per­cent cer­tain how this works, but the Chi­nese avi­a­tion peo­ple said—at a press con­fer­ence no less— that the vap­ing co-pi­lot didn’t want his smoke to spread into the main cabin of the plane, so he tried to turn off a ven­ti­la­tion sys­tem. In­stead he hit the wrong but­ton, “lead­ing to a de­crease in cabin oxy­gen lev­els.”

In turn, the emer­gency warn­ing sys­tem came on, think­ing that the plane had flown too high, or­der­ing pi­lots to drop, and quickly.

When the in­stru­ments re­turned to nor­mal, the jet climbed back to 26,000 feet and con­tin­ued to its des­ti­na­tion, rather than the near­est air­port. Ac­cord­ing to re­ports: “In­dus­try ex­perts said the de­ci­sion to climb and con­tinue the flight was un­usual given the oxy­gen masks had al­ready been de­ployed.”

Holy moly. Yes, we think we can take a line on this one, too. We’re against every­thing in that story. Some­body get us a bus ticket.

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