Creative virus-time Valentine
Last Valentine’s Day found us in what would be the last throes of living life the “Old Normal” way.
We were not “all in this together,” but by cracky, we could act like we were — hugging, kissing and hanging out indiscriminately — as social-distancing rules hadn’t come down yet.
Today, we find ourselves with a Day of Love that’s not only happening during a persistent pandemic but on a staid Sunday.
Luckily, not only is the internet rich with V-day activity suggestions, but so is the Talkmistress. The following list is dripping with holiday fun that transcends Sunday inhibitions, Sunday wine and liquor laws and stay-at-home orders, even if self-imposed.
Make Your Own Valentine’s Day Fun, Sunday Pandemic Edition
■ Be your own V-Day decorations. Make yourself an impromptu Cupid costume out of a white sheet (or hey, Boxers), and fish that bow and arrow from college archery class out of the garage. Make a construction-paper heart. Prop yourself up in your picture window for passers-by to enjoy. If you’re one of those “pod people” who can stand the cold, turn your toga- or loin-clothed-draped self into a yard ornament. (Ahem, if you get picked up by the police, you didn’t read that suggestion here.)
■ Want to propose today and not sure you’ll get a yes? This Sunday V-Day morning will be the perfect time to ensconce yourself underneath under your sweetheart’s window, pop the question and loudly/ badly bellow out hit love tunes. (Jackie Wilson’s “To Be Loved,” that song Prince Akeem caterwauled in the middle of the night in the original “Coming to America” movie, would be a goodie.) Let your sweetheart know that only a “yes” answer will shut you up. (Warning: Just like in the movie, your sweetheart’s neighbors may get annoyed and cuss-y. And see the above note about police pickup.)
■ Can’t think of a better time than early on a V-day Sunday for trawling the big-box or grocery store for early Valentine’s candy discounts.
■ As if your Christmas pajamas social-media photos didn’t get enough groans, you, your sweetie and/or your whole family can don V-day pajamas or loungewear for yet more social-media photos. You can look for heart-decorated clothing when you go on that discounted-candy run, but really, it’s not needed: Something red and white
would be sufficient. Warning: Don’t post pix of yourself in your “for Sweetie only” garb. You’ll not only get groans; you’ll get banned.
■ Get with your loved one and have not just any “romcom” movie night, but watch classic romance movies such as the ones shown on the Turner Classic Movies network.
Better yet, get dressed up in early-to-mid 20th-century getups and address each other as “dah-ling,” in that notquite-British pronunciation by which lovers addressed each other in said movies.
■ Couples, you can also re-create your elementary-school days, passing notes like you did in elementary school: “Do you like me? Check one: Yes _____No_____.” No teacher around to intercept the notes? Your children can fill that role.
Or, hang ’em on your front doors, post ’em on your social media and let the world be the teacher!
■ Have a po’-folks charcuterie-board V-day celebration with your honey and/ or household … with items already in the fridge and cupboard, rather than opting for the fancier stuff: The kids’ animal crackers. The ham hocks you froze along with your leftover blackeyed peas from New Year’s. Your breakfast bacon. Those grapes that are getting a little too ripe. And no, they won’t be cube form, but you can even cut up those cheese slices you use for sandwiches for two-dimensional tastiness.
■ Reminder: If you’re one of those people who like to send themselves candy and flowers that are delivered to your office, you can take a Sunday break from making co-workers believe there’s a Special Someone. (The downside: If you have actually succeeded in fooling the co-workers who normally witness you getting candy and flowers, you won’t have them as onlookers today.)
■ Be free-spirited. Have one big, socially distanced observance! Liven V-Day up by combining it with Groundhog Day (which was Feb. 2), Lunar (Chinese) New Year, the “year of the ox,” and Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday (both of which were Friday), George Washington’s birthday (which is Monday), Mardi Gras (which is Tuesday), etc. Share images of the first and 16th presidents in purple, gold and green. Punxsutawney Phil and his shadow, holding a heart or two. P. Phil, riding a Mardi-gras bead-draped ox.
■ Or just rare back, pick up that reading material known as 1 Corinthians 13, and brush up on good ol’ Love 101.