Estranged mothers

I am writing this letter on behalf of all mothers whose children pretend they don’t exist. Mother’s Day has come and gone, and for us it is a day to be survived.

I am 74 years old, and I never knew a person of my generation who completely cut off ties with her mother. Apparently now it has become much more common. My husband committed suicide at the age of 40, leaving me to raise the kids. And, yes, I made many mistakes, as my mother had done and as my daughters will invariably do also. However, I did try very hard, and they all survived to adulthood. My daughters have not contacted me for five years. I am not allowed to see my grandchildren, as I am deemed not “positive” enough.

If you are one of these forgotten mothers, just accept that there will be severe grief and also a lot of anger. There will also probably be shame because you know that some people will assume that you must have been a terrible mother. On Mother’s Day there may be a temptation to sleep the day away. Instead, go for a walk or try an exercise you have never done. Get off your devices and pay some attention to the beauty of nature. Do something nice for yourself. Maybe you will be lucky enough to have a neighbor like I do who brought me a lovely plant and some candy.

Above all, try to remember that you are still a worthwhile person deserving of respect even though your children do not appreciate you at all.

CATHERINE LAMB

Little Rock