Well-wished things
“That reminds me of Sunday lunch at Grandma’s,” someone said when looking at an old photo.
I don’t know exactly where the age line falls between those who remember the large family gatherings after church and those who don’t; I suspect it varies. But I fondly recall the multiple generations assembled at Nana’s house (my wife’s mother) when my children were young.
Nana’s porch had a swing, and I nodded off more than once there with a kid or two beside me, our grogginess the predictable result of teeming portions of tasty potluck. Those memories were still fresh when I saw a “best and worst” state poll that gave me indigestion.
Naming the “Best and Worst Places to Have a Baby,” WalletHub listed Arkansas 47th.
Part of the methodology used to create that poll involved scoring from a previous WalletHub rating, “Best and Worst Places to Raise a Family,” in which Arkansas ranked 45th. Contributing factors in that poll included a 48th ranking for Arkansas in the subsegment “Family Fun.”
“Family Fun” weighted metrics were share of families with young children, number of attractions (a triple-weighted measure), fitness and recreational sports centers per capita, and share of children under 17 who live in neighborhoods with a park or playground.
WalletHub is based in Washington, D.C., which might explain its narrow focus on organized external efforts and activities for “Family Fun,” loosely anchored to the myth that kids must be constantly entertained in order to have fun.
That myth perpetuates flawed assumptions, such as irrational worries that children—egad!—might get bored.
WalletHub would score a big childhood birthday party at a sports center or amusement park, for example, complete with ponies or inflatables, as superior to a small get-together at home for cake and ice cream with a few other children.
And WalletHub would be wrong. Labeling birthday parties as “best” based only on money spent, activities scheduled and square footage of the venue couldn’t be more off the mark.
Totally data-driven analyses—particularly those using statewide statistics—can skew realities. For instance, only two cities listed in WalletHub’s top 10 “Best and Worst Places to Raise a Family” are from states that also made the state Top 10 list.
Raising a family in most states depends much more on the individual neighborhood of residence than the per capita statistical averages. Family structure, including interaction with grandparents, is also a key criterion.
The whole thing reminded me of an old essay by Lee Pitts. You may not have heard of him or his 1995 book “People Who Live at the End of Dirt Roads.”
But you might remember a selection from the book titled “These Things I Wish,” which was directed at Pitts’ grandchildren. His words were immortalized when read over the national airwaves in September 1997 by radio legend Paul Harvey.
The opening sentence, like other profound thoughts, gets lost amid popular culture. But it and the excerpts that follow reflect the oft-forgotten reality that the best learning is based on internalized values, not structured activities.
“We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse,” Pitts begins, before confessing that, for his grandchildren, he’d know better. “I’d really like for them to know about hand-me-down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meatloaf,” he continues, then launches a series of personal hopes and wishes directed to them.
“I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand-new car when you are 16. …
“I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. … I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. …
“I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn how to add and subtract in your head.
“I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory soap tastes like. …
“I don’t care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don’t like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
“I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your grandpa or go fishing with your uncle.
“I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor’s window, and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmastime when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.”
The closing clincher: “These things I wish for you—tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness.”
Measured by Pitts’ things to wish for children, Arkansas holds its own and then some.
Positives can only be fully appreciated when contrasted with negatives. That’s the finer point the WalletHub statisticians miss.