Talking to parents

Holidays are a good opportunity to talk money

Holiday gatherings may present an opportunity to talk with your parents about important money issues, such as estate planning or long-term care.

Tread carefully, though, because these discussions can easily go wrong. Diligent preparation, the right approach and a respectful attitude can help your family tackle potentially uncomfortable subjects without ruining the holiday, advises Amy Goyer, AARP’s national family and caregiving expert.

If you want to talk to your parents about money, consider the following steps.

1 Have the right attitude

Research some options in advance so you can present choices to your parents rather than issuing orders. If they don’t have long-term care insurance, for example, they might be able to sell investments or tap their home equity to pay for a nursing home stay. If bills aren’t being paid, you can offer to set up autopayments, take over bill paying or find a daily money manager who will do it for a fee.

2 Focus on feelings

How you broach the topic will depend on family dynamics. An indirect approach would be to mention that you read an article on the topic or saw something on TV about it, or that you’re doing similar planning for yourself.

Take the approach you think will work best with your parents. However you bring it up, pivot quickly to asking for your parents’ perspective. It’s important to listen more than you talk, especially at the beginning.

Ask follow-up questions and consider paraphrasing what you’re hearing to show that you’re actively listening (using phrases like “What I’m hearing you saying is … ”). People who feel heard are less likely to be defensive and more likely to listen to what you have to say, Goyer says.

3 Prepare to abandon ship

That support includes staying calm if your parents get angry, fearful or sad. Your folks may be embarrassed about their financial situation, worried about the future or resistant to the idea of needing help. Acknowledge those feelings, even if you don’t agree with their viewpoint, Goyer says.

But be prepared to drop the subject, at least for the time being, if tensions remain high.

This article was provided to The Associated Press by the personal finance website NerdWallet. Want to suggest a personal finance topic that Quick Fix can address? Email apmoney@ap.org.