Personal growth
Iwas able to learn many life lessons between the late teen years and becoming a good-timing grandpa.
In the process I slowly morphed from being a largely self-centered young man into realizing that everyone has a life as significant to them as mine is to me. I now always bear that in mind in every relationship.
With this kind of revelation comes an ability to acquire emotional security, which means a level of security where one can become comfortable in themselves. And that translates to not requiring the validation of others’ thoughts and opinions and thus being authentic.
Dr. Cortney Warren, a Harvard-trained, board-certified clinical psychologist, understands this and has provided on the CNBC website a list of phrases that reveal how secure adults are.
She believes one noticeable characteristic of emotionally secure people is they articulate themselves thoughtfully. They choose their responses carefully and aren’t impulsive. Rather than blurting out a defensive response they might later regret, they are more likely to say, “Let me think about that before I respond.”
“Emotionally secure people feel comfortable setting boundaries,” Warren writes. “They are clear about what they will and will not do based on their own moral principles, needs and desires” rather than trying to pacify someone they’d rather not offend or hurt. An emotionally secure person is willing to simply respond “no.”
I once told a friend that being a manager of anything requires the ability to say—and mean—“no.”
The emotionally secure will communicate their needs respectfully and will tell someone how they feel if they’re being treated poorly. If they feel their boundaries are being violated, they’ll take action to make changes while likely responding, “I’m not comfortable with that.”
The secure also remain consistent in how they operate around others, which makes being around them predictable and safe because friends and loved ones know they truly are who they say they are. In other words: “This is who I am and I’m proud of it.”
These people are able to consider criticism without taking it personally and lashing back. Instead, they analyze the comment and see it as a possible opportunity for self-improvement, asking themselves: “Am I like that?”
In meaningful relationships, along the same lines, emotionally secure people will make an effort to change themselves when necessary, saying something like, “I will work on that.” They know that taking action toward self-improvement is key to personal growth and strengthening interpersonal connections.
Appropriate emotionally secure defusing responses to other situations might be, “This matters to me,” I’ll work on that,” and “I will try.”
As for this UCA graduate who passed two whole psychology courses over 50 years ago, I can offer from experience the most emotionally secure response a wise male can offer if asked their opinion on a hair arrangement, clothing or practically anything he doesn’t like (but wants to spare feelings) might well be, “I can’t say that’s my favorite.”
PILOT’S GODNOD
Paul Petty graduated from the United States Army Aviation school at Fort Rucker, Ala., in October 1966. He and many counterparts were sent to Fort Knox, Ky., to train for deployment to Vietnam.
There, they got to know each other. During a training flight in April of 1967, a friend of Paul’s was flying when he struck a transmission line that crossed the Ohio River. His aircraft crashed into the river and, despite a diligent search lasting days, his body was never recovered.
As his tour of duty ended in June 1968, Paul was waiting in Las Vegas to meet his wife for breakfast when he took a minute to join a blackjack table in Caesar’s Palace. There he sat near a woman and told her he’d just left his pilot’s role in the Vietnam War. She responded that her brother was to have flown in Vietnam, but was killed during a training mission at Fort Knox.
It turned out her brother had been Paul’s friend, and they spoke of his character and devotion to service. “The encounter gave us some closure regarding his death,” said Paul.
“Here’s the spooky part. The next day in one of the Las Vegas newspapers, a squib on the front page read, ‘Army aviator’s body found,’” Paul added. “His remains were recovered about the same time his sister and I were having our conversation about him at the blackjack table.”
Paul never saw her again. “Looking back, it had been a welcome home from a deceased friend,” he said. “Even though I have told this story dozens of times, it still fascinates me as to the timing.”
Not only the overall timing, Paul, but just being in Las Vegas at a particular casino, the fact you sat near enough to a stranger at the right moment and struck up a conversation that led her to share about her brother and seeing the newspaper story the very next day; consider yourself GodNodded.