Carrying cardboard sign: Best way to catch a husband?

“New York woman walks down the street with a ‘looking-for-a-husband’ sign — sparking plenty of conversation.”

That was the header on a Sept. 12 Fox News article about Karolina Geits, a 29-year-old who decided to cut through the red tape … and, to the chase.

Yes, I did what I often do when the regular news gets too stressful and depressing: I go Googling “weird/offbeat news.”

And found this story, in which writer Brittany Kasko explains that Geits had a discussion with her friends and they concluded that “dating apps [were] not working because it takes a long time to chat … .

“As a joke, I said that I’ll go outside with a sign,” Geits said.

So, eschewing the digital/online way of hubby-seeking and reverting to a very analog method, Geits did just that. But then she turned back to digital methods, posting a Tiktok video that racked up more than 10 million views and more than a million likes at the time the Fox News Digital story ran.

Now there are those women who may also be inspired to try such a move after simply:

■ Meeting too many wrong guys in bars ... scenarios right out of that nightclub scene in the movie “Coming to America.”

■ Cuddling up with too many “wonderful” boyfriends who mess up, usually right after the last friend of family member is told how wonderful he is.

■ That seven-minute interview dating thing that was popular a few years ago, also fizzling into that “Coming to America” scene.

■ Getting tired of waiting for the Lord to provide a husband.

Sadly, so many of us have carried around invisible “looking for” signs that made fellows run desperately for cover or attracted the wrong ones.

Being a model (and looking like one) as well as an influencer may garner Geits some better results than, er, non-model-looking women may get. As it was, she was “shocked” by the people who actually approved of and supported her action. And, were sending her their dating profiles to look over … “although she said she’s still looking for ‘the best,’” Kasko wrote.

Guess there are lessons to be learned here, even by those who would never have the nerve to walk their city streets or stand at busy intersections, advertising their desire for a husband (or wife) via black marker and the side of a cardboard box.

Lessons such as, if you want something, sometimes it’s best to cut the song and dance and complicated stuff and just ask. Like Oliver Twist, the kid in the Dickens tale who — in a workhouse in which meals weren’t exactly feasts — dared to approach the guy dishing out the gruel if he could have more. (This request preceded some real twists in the life of Oliver Twist, but the story ends well.)

So Geits’ story goes, other requests via cardboard sign are posted on her TikTok profile: “Need money for Cartier” and “Need money for Chanel.”

Once again I recall the guy I saw on the side of the Vegas strip with a sign saying “Why lie? Need beer.” Honesty may be the best policy. I’ll bet he got his beer.

That being said, there are a few cardboard signs I’d be interested to see carried by souls on the streets of Little Rock:

“Looking for NEXT husband/wife”

“Will work for chitlins” “Dark side or bust” (by a person in Darth Vader garb)

“I know the way to San José; I just need a ride there.”

“My kingdom for a Porsche!”

In other weird news: OK, first of all, I promise I haven’t jumped on that “A Florida man … ” meme deal.

But dang, here’s another Florida man who has done something bizarre. Saw a couple of website stories about Reza Baluchi, a 44-year-old athlete who got arrested last month after he “tried to run across the Atlantic Ocean to London using a [giant] makeshift hamster wheel,” according to news.sky.com.

He made it 70 miles off the Georgia coast before the U.S. Coast Guard caught him. He told them he wanted to keep going all the way to the U.K. The coast guard deemed the hamster wheel to be “manifestly unsafe,” which had to be the understatement of the century but hey, they’re the Coast Guard and couldn’t officially say stuff like “This fool was totally trying to win a Darwin award with this piece of mess.”

Yes, he refused the Coast Guard’s request to exit his wheel; it took several days for them to get him off the thing. He:

■ Claimed he had a Florida registration for the wheel but couldn’t locate it.

■ Showed them two knives he had on him, and threatened to kill himself with them if Coast Guard officers tried to get him off his vessel.

■ Threatened to blow himself up. (He was holding wires.) The Coast guard called in the bomb disposal folks but then the guy admitted this threat was a hoax.

Oh, and he has done this before. You already knew that; right? He’d hand-fashioned similar contraptions in 2014, 2016 and 2021 (being considerate enough to keep his efforts in check during the heart of the pandemic) … all of which also resulted in runins with the Coast Guard.

OK.

People of the U.S. Coast Guard, I thank you wholeheartedly for your service. Which includes dealing with individuals, from other locales besides Florida, I’m sure, who provide people such as myself with “WTH” fodder and take their minds off the main headlines of the day.

And thank you too, God, for protecting babies and Baluchi.