The best Christmas present is your time
The holidays are a season of joy, which for many Americans peaks on Christmas Day. Yet there is another side to the celebrations as the Rev. Stephen Blonder Adams of downtown Cleveland’s Old Stone Church, a Presbyterian congregation, learned when he began advertising a “Blue Christmas” service last year. The idea was to offer a gathering just for people struggling with sadness and loss. He expected five attendees or so. Nearly 60 showed up, including an elderly couple who drove 45 minutes from Akron to attend.
Christian congregations around the country are seeing a similar trend: high demand for holiday-season services specially designed for those who find grief and loneliness as much a part of the yuletide experience as parties and gifts.
At Washington National Cathedral, the Rev. Canon Jan Naylor Cope began this year’s Blue Christmas service on Dec. 19 with this message: “We take time this evening to acknowledge that the holidays are emotionally difficult for many. For those who have lost loved ones, this time of year can be lonely. For those who have lost relationships, employment or suffered financial or any other setbacks, it can be a time of fear, uncertainty, pain and confusion.” Later in the evening, the Rev. Canon Leonard L. Hamlin Sr. offered hope: “For all of us who have gathered and find ourselves in need tonight, we are not forgotten.”
The United States and much of the world are in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Despite being connected to seemingly everything online, people are struggling to make deep and meaningful connections in real life. The coronavirus pandemic forced many to retreat — literally — inside their homes, and more than 1.1 million Americans died of covid-19. The nation is still dealing with the grief and fallout, even as social media culture urges society to move on. Young people especially are finding it difficult to build in-person friendships and connections again. And a body of research shows that a sense of connection to others determines well-being as much as physical or medical factors.
Each December, it’s easy to get caught up in the seasonal rush. To finish work projects. To decorate the house. To wrap the presents. To bake cookies. To check the to-do list — repeatedly. But this Christmas, let’s remember that the best gift of all is giving of our time.
A year from now, almost no one will remember whether the turkey or ham was perfectly cooked. What friends and family will remember is who was around the table for the meal. Or who took an extra moment at work to really listen to what you had to say. Or that person who shared a laugh with you and made your day a bit brighter as you both waited in the long checkout line at the grocery store.
Many of the most beloved Christmas tales and movies — such as “A Christmas Carol,” “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Home Alone” — convey the message that life is better when lived among community and family. It’s a moral so familiar it can seem trite. Yet the United States is a nation diverging from its lore, now often described as a nation divided — or self-absorbed. Many lament that volunteerism is declining and nonprofits are struggling to find people to help those in need. Social clubs and other groups that make up America’s uniquely vibrant civil society are fraying.
But there is reason to hope. This month, someone asked on the social media site Reddit: “Is there an everyday skill the typical American possesses that people outside the U.S. typically struggle with?” One of the top answers was Americans’ skill at talking with complete strangers. Americans are known to strike up conversations everywhere — in elevators, in checkout lines and in restaurants with the diners sitting at the next table over. It’s a reminder of our ability and our yearning to connect with others.
This Christmas, take time to reach out to family, friends, colleagues, the neighbor you haven’t heard from in a while. Say hello to a stranger and ask whether they’re OK. Spend that extra minute. Time is the most valuable present anyone can give — or receive.