Dream girl needs to switch shifts to help mar­riage

Austin American-Statesman - - AUSTIN360 DAILY - Dear Abby Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby ap­pears on Sun­day, Mon­day, Wed­nes­day and Fri­day. Email Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com. CONTRIBUTED BY CBS Go-to-g

Dear Abby: I’m mar­ried to the girl of my dreams. She’s the best thing that’s ever hap­pened to me. We both work in the med­i­cal field. She’s an emer­gency room nurse, and I’m a para­medic/fire­fighter.

For sev­eral years my wife worked the day shift at a hospi­tal more than an hour away from home. I tried to con­vince her to find a job closer, so we could see each other more. Fi­nally, she told me she had been of­fered a night-shift po­si­tion at the hospi­tal here in town. She promised to switch to a day shift if one opened up. I thought that was great.

It has been al­most a year now, and she is still work­ing the night shift. There have been many day­time open­ings, but she hasn’t re­quested any of them. On most of my days off, I watch her sleep.

At this point I’m not sure what to do. I am not happy and don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this. I feel like I’m miss­ing out on so much. I have the girl of my dreams, but most of the time she is dream­ing — lit­er­ally. Can you please help?

— Awake and Alone in Florida

Dear Awake and Alone: You ARE miss­ing out, on the fun and com­pan­ion­ship that you should be en­joy­ing with your wife. It’s time to have a frank con­ver­sa­tion with her and find out why she has been stalling about chang­ing shifts.

There could be more wrong in your mar­riage than in­com­pat­i­ble sched­ules, but the prob­lems won’t be re­solved un­less you can be hon­est with each other. The cur­rent sit­u­a­tion is un­fair to you, and you are right to be con­cerned.

Dear Abby: My hus­band and I have hosted a hol­i­day party for our neigh­bors ev­ery year for the last 10 years. Over time, we have in­vited more and more peo­ple, and we en­joy al­most ev­ery­one. How­ever, one of our neigh­bors, “Jim,” is very rude. For the past sev­eral years he has taken it upon him­self to in­vite sev­eral peo­ple to our party who he feels should be on the list. Th­ese are peo­ple we pur­posely did not in­vite.

Last year we de­cided not to in­vite Jim, but af­ter he sent mul­ti­ple emails de­mand­ing to know the date and time, we re­luc­tantly in­vited him. He then had the nerve to send out an email to dozens of peo­ple he thought we had missed on the guest list, no­ti­fy­ing them of the party. This really em­bar­rassed my hus­band and me.

How can I tell him it’s not his party, and how do we deal with the sit­u­a­tion with the folks we did not ini­tially in­vite but now know about the party? — It’s Our Party Dear Party: There is more than one way to han­dle this. The most ob­vi­ous would be to in­form Jim that he won’t be in­vited this year and tell him why. A host must know how many guests to pre­pare for in or­der to en­sure there will be enough food and bev­er­ages for ev­ery­one.

An­other way would be to forgo giv­ing the party for a year or two and per­haps take a short va­ca­tion. Tell any­one who asks why that the gath­er­ings be­came too large to man­age. And then, when you re­sume en­ter­tain­ing, limit the guest list to some­thing more in­ti­mate than a cast­ing call for “Amer­i­can Idol.”

One thing is cer­tain: If you con­tinue to tol­er­ate what’s been hap­pen­ing, your hos­pi­tal­ity will con­tinue to be abused. Dale Roe is your Goto Guy for use­ful in­for­ma­tion. He writes guides on ev­ery­thing from al­ler­gies to TV shows to lo­cal events to QR codes. What topics would you like to know more about? Send an email to droe@ states­man.com.


“Kitchen Night­mares” 7 p.m., Fox: I hope Chef Ram­say’s first piece of ad­vice for the owner of Bare­foot Bob’s is to put on some shoes. Ick.

“SNL Christ­mas” 7 p.m., NBC: This one’s for you, fans of Franken­stein, Tarzan and Tonto singing “The Lit­tle Drum­mer Boy.”


“Frosty the Snow­man” 7 p.m., CBS: “Happy New Year!” The lovable and be-hat­ted hero, ad­dled from brain­freeze, faces a Christ­mas

“Ru­dolph the Red-Nosed Rein­deer” will re­turn to light Santa’s way at 7 p.m. Tues­day on CBS.


“Side­ways” will be part of to­day’s Eat Drink Lo­cal Events.

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