Hootie Awards: We recap the year in sports stupidity

Today, the Hootie Awards mark their 10th birthday. They’ll probably celebrate by doing something stupid and getting arrested. After all, that’s what the Hooties are all about.

For

one glorious decade, we’ve been compiling each year’s weirdest, wackiest and silliest sports stories and giving them a figurative trophy named in honor of William “Hootie” Johnson, the former head of the golf club that hosts the Masters.

What did Hootie ever do to us to deserve this honor? Nothing really.

But unfortunately for Mr. Johnson, he happened to dominate the off-the-field sports headlines for a stretch of 2002, the first year for our little awards — something about not letting women join the club. Oh, and he also hap- pened to have the nickname Hootie.

After those inaugural Hootie Awards, the Augusta National Golf Club wrote us a ceaseand-desist letter about our misuse of Hootie’s name. We resisted and still haven’t ceased. (Interestingly, the club this year reversed course and admitted its first female members.

Perhaps the Hooties had something to do with that. You’re welcome, Condoleeza Rice.

And so, today we present the 2012 Hootie Awards. As always, there are no winners, only losers.

We give special recognition this year to Austin’s own Lance Armstrong. He still hasn’t admitted anything, but a veritable Alpe d’Huez of evidence points to him being the biggest dope of the year.

It’s just too bad that he doesn’t have a nickname as catchy as Hootie.