TODAY’S CROSSWORD

ACROSS 1 Bullwinkle, e.g. 6 Lady’s honorific 11 Take the title 14 Debate issue 15 Susan Lucci

vamp 16 Garden tool 17 Indefinite time 18 Take a sip 19 Blow away 20 Crazed captain 22 Dieter’s lunch 24 Floppy- eared dog 28 Pet shop cuties 30 Fictional

Queen 31 Peter, in

Panama 32 Surprise

attacks 33 Huge 37 Versatile

vehicle 38 Kid’s dad 39 Fix a squeak 40 Big city in

Mexico 43 Fiery dance 45 Vine-covered 46 More muddy 47 Leopard cousins 50 Book store? 51 Forward-looking

verb 52 — -de-camp 53 Back muscle,

for short 54 Mr. Lombardi 57 Slightly tinted 62 “Green” prefix 63 Southfork

surname 64 Demean 65 L. — Hubbard 66 Gift recipient 67 Chilly DOWN 1 Alps, for short 2 Oola’s guy 3 Unfold, in poetry 4 — vous plait 5 Creamy pastries 6 Gold or silver 7 Tent dweller 8 Bad-mouth 9 Do something 10 Symphony VIP 11 Ambergris source 12 Hawkeye 13 Has to have 21 Attention getter 23 On the summit 24 Vaccine 25 Aristotle’s

teacher 26 UFO pilot 27 Composer —

Rorem 28 Pogo’s creator 29 Lazily 31 Blanched 33 Cables 34 Ancient Greek

colony 35 Timbuktu’s river 36 Morning — 38 Plankton 41 Money drawer 42 Developed

gradually 43 Lama, usually 44 Flight stat 46 Halfway 47 Famed Canadian

doctor 48 — Canyon (Pueblo cultural area) 49 Shirley of

“Goldfinger” 50 Feudal vassal 52 Teen bane 55 — Jima 56 Author Anais — 58 Teahouse attire 59 Forty winks 60 Mind reader’s

gift 61 Susan of

“L.A. Law”

— G. If the whole point of visiting were for your mom to know her children cared for her, then maybe they’d have a point. And only maybe, because they can’t know what she thinks or whether some familiarity cuts through the fog.

But recognition is hardly the whole point of visiting. For one thing, visitors are the ones who hold the facility staff accountable. By not showing up, your siblings might as well say they don’t care how clean or safe or well-fed their mother is. At best, their dodging says they do care, but only enough to shove the responsibility on you.

And, whether she recognizes them or not, visitors can bring pleasure to your mother. If she brightens with company, even from people who appear as new to her as complete strangers, then that voids your siblings’ rationale for staying away.

These siblings are also in the worst possible frame of mind to see that visiting Mom benefits them. End-of-life care ( or indifference) is a last word, no do-overs. Unless Mom was abusive to them, a working conscience won’t let them pretend this was the best they could do.

You can calmly counter their arguments, be right on all counts and still not dent their determination to blow off visiting Mom. Speak up anyway, kindly and firmly, at least once.