CAROLYN HAX

DEAR CAROLYN: My husband and I went out to a nice restaurant last night with friends of ours and their 2-year-old son. He was a bit of a handful, and we got some not-sofriendly looks. Nothing extreme, just age-appropriate squirmy-ness in the wrong environment. I ended up pretty stressed by the end of the evening. For what it’s worth, I’m eight months pregnant with baby No. 1 and pretty sensitive in general these days.

Would it have been crossing a boundary for either me or my husband to just take the kid out for a walk? My mom suggested this, but I thought it could come across as awfully smug. What do you think? Personally I don’t think I’d take a 2-year-old out to a nice restaurant in the first place, but it was their idea, and I can see the value in getting kids used to that kind of environment. Help! — Looking for

Boundaries ( 1) There is no value in getting a 2-year-old used to that kind of environment. There is only the annoyance of diners who have expectations rightly as high as the restaurant’s prices.

(2) There was nothing you could do about their choice of venue.

(3) You could have offered to take the child for a walk, as your mom suggested. There are variables here, and I’m sure there are parents who’d be offended just as there are friends who would make such an offer in an exasperated, judgy or condescending way. So much depends on the tone. But, when their friends offer nicely, with clearly helpful intent, parents who don’t have a chip on their shoulders will typically accept.