‘Yakuza Apocalypse’ is too much movie
Takashi Miike’s latest utilizes every available cinematic trick.
‘YAKUZA APOCALYPSE’
Grade: C
Starring: Hayato Ichihara, Yayan Ruhian, Riko Narumi Rating: R for strong bloody violence, a rape and language
Running time: 1 hours, 55 minutes Theaters: Alamo South
Even his most ardent fans might admit that quality control is not really Takashi Miike’s thing. He cranks out movies the way 1930s pulp fictioneers churned out novels about the Shadow or Doc Savage.
In fairness, the man who gave us such stomach-turners as “Ichi the Killer” or brilliant thriller “Audition” can work in a variety of tones. The 2014 picture “Over Your Dead Body” gave a Japanese myth a contemporary resonance while “Ninja Kids!!!,” from 2010, is a family movie. Miike just tends to work very, very quickly; he has directed about a dozen movies since 2010.
Miike uses almost all of the tones at once in this sprawling hunk of latenight lunacy, a two-hour vampire/yakuza/action/ monster frappe.
Young, ab-resplendent Kageyama (Hayato Ichihara) wants to be a member of the yakuza. But he’s a bit of a wuss, by yakuza standards: He won’t get a tattoo because he has “sensitive skin;” his fellow gangsters give him hell for it.
But he looks up to the local boss Kamiura (Lily Franky), who, unbeknownst to many, is in fact a vampire. Kamiura has a strict code of conduct: no munching on civilians even though one cannot live on yakuza alone. (Seriously, this is a plot point, as is the circle of yakuza hostages chained to tables in a basement, knitting endlessly as they get snacked upon.) Things take a turn when members of a syndicate from which Kamiura split from long ago demand his return to the fold. He refuses.
So ultraviolent syndicate assassin Kyoken (Yayan Ruhian) twists Kamiura’s head off, but not before Kamiura turns Kageyama into a vampire.
Suddenly, our man with the sensitive skin is covered in blood and going after necks like a dog assaulting a hamburger.
Kageyama starts turning regular folks — including kids — into “vampire yakuza” who square off against regular yakuza, the latter of whom worry that too many vampires around will leave them with nobody left to shake down.
Throw in a kappa demon (here, essentially a guy with a beak and a turtle shell on his back), a top-level syndicate boss (the “modern monster ... the world’s toughest terrorist”) who happens to be a guy in a frog suit, a love interest in the hospital and some guy dressed like a 16th century witchfinder and “Yakuza Apocalypse” goes from somewhat understandable to completely baffling, with gonzo plotlines competing for attention before a show-stopping martial arts finale.
Miike turns everything up to 11: the rich colors, the car-crash bone cracks of martial arts hits, the arterial spray, almost all of it played for a goofy laugh — except when it’s not. A rape subplot is exceptionally misplaced.
Moment to moment, “Yakuza Apocalypse” has some fun stuff, especially in the strong, weird first third. Ichihara sports charisma to burn, and the way he puts together his vampire crew offers a clever riff on the old civilians-versus-the-mob trope. But too many bizzaro elements begin to eat away at one’s attention span. Even if it’s the end times, this “Apocalypse” didn’t need every idea at once.