CAROLYN HAX

DEAR CAROLYN: I grew up in the Midwest and we always called adults Mr./ Mrs./Miss Lastname. We now live in the South and the thing down here is to have kids call adults Mr./ Miss Firstname. This feels too informal to us, and we would prefer our kids use the Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname construction.

I would think it’s my choice to have my kids use Mrs. Lastname but by that logic the other mom could have her kids use Miss Firstname for me, but to me that is not super respectful.

Being a military family, we move frequently, so this comes up often. Any suggestions? Is this a regional thing, or something that will correct as kids get older and we have fewer toddlers around?

— Fluff

Two words: code switch. I urge you to teach that concept to your kids. There are things you talk about at home but not in public, among friends but not with strangers, among peers but not authority figures, etc.

And, when in the South, it is respectful to use the Miss Firstname construct — respectful of local custom. And it’s respectful to be gracious when children call you Miss Firstname, too.

Then, when you move somewhere else, observe and process and decide how to adjust. What a great opportunity you have with the relocations that come with military life. Your kids can become fluent in many customs, or at least keen observers — something they’d likely do anyway, just by being kids, but if you name it and attach value to it, it can really help build up their concept of who they are to encourage respect for other customs.