CAROLYN HAX

DEAR CAROLYN: My adult only child, 34, has mental illness and has estranged herself completely for the last few years, rejecting all contact. I have done everything I possibly can and, with a lot of help, finally have accepted I can’t fix it, and must simply wait.

The anguish for the first few years was breathtaking but I am re-engaging in life again — even dating a little. My question is, how best to answer wellmeaning queries from new friends who naturally expect we’ll trade info about our children? It is so painful to acknowledge the situation, and seeing others’ looks of shock almost makes it not worth venturing out. Any ideas?

— Estranged

“Sadly, my child has estranged herself from family.” You don’t need to explain further. With those who take a judgmental position, be grateful you have this to weed out people you don’t want in your life.

For those who are shocked, I’d like to know what bubble they’re living in, but I guess that’s not the kindest possible response, either.

When pressed for details, don’t be afraid to say it’s a long story that you’re not ready to share just yet. Eventually it will be important to share more, but it’s OK to wait until you know and trust someone more.

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