Austin American-Statesman

Gay man dislikes attention he gets from female friend

- Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby

Dear Abby: I’m a 51-year-old gay male. I have a sweet, dear friend I’ll call “Samantha” who is slightly older. The problem is, she wants more than friendship. She insists on spending time with me and calls me daily. She hugs me repeatedly when she goes to leave, and kisses my neck or cheek — whichever she can get to.

Samantha has touched me in a way that makes me uncomforta­ble. She places herself so her body touches my hand or arm. When she does, I quickly remove it. She says I remind her of her brother, but I’m not feeling a sibling relationsh­ip here. She invites herself over and gets mad if I tell her I have other plans.

I don’t think I should have to discuss my orientatio­n with anyone — including her. It is my personal business. I have never done anything to make Samantha think I have an interest in her. I have spoken to her and made it clear that I’m not interested in a relationsh­ip with her. I have told her not to stop by without calling first. If she calls and I don’t answer, she still shows up at my door saying she called. What can I do? — End of My Rope in Virginia

Dear End of Your Rope: You have two choices. Because she is a “dear friend,” the first would be to make an exception in Samantha’s case and level with her about the fact that you’re homosexual and have no interest in a close relationsh­ip with any female because you relate better to men. During this truth session you should also say that her demonstrat­ions of affection and apparent need for emotional and physical closeness make you uncomforta­ble. (It’s surprising she hasn’t picked up on it by now because of your body language.)

The alternativ­e is to end this friendship without giving her an explanatio­n. Either way, expect Samantha to be hurt and disappoint­ed, but if you explain that being gay is simply part of who you are and has no bearing on her, she may be less so.

Dear Abby: The year I graduated from high school I witnessed a horrific car accident that claimed the lives of five of my classmates. Since then, I have been involved in two accidents (I was in the passenger seat both times) and a number of close calls. This has caused me to develop extreme anxiety about driving — both as the driver and as a passenger.

I work 50 miles from where I live. Every day is stressful because of the drive. Moving is not an option. Is there anything I can do to help my anxiety? — Too Many Close Calls

Dear Too Many: Treatment for your problem is available. Consult your physician and ask for a referral to a psychologi­st who specialize­s in patients who suffer from phobias.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbookle­t Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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