CAROLYN HAX

DEAR CAROLYN: Daughter and fiance are getting married where they live, a seven-hour plane ride from where we live. My other two kids have small children and can’t afford to come without some help.

My husband and I gave money to our other two kids when they got married. Daughter hasn’t asked us for anything, and I know they are planning a low-key event. My husband and I are considering giving half of Daughter’s wedding money to the others so they can attend.

I am trying to decide if I should tell Daughter this. She might not know or remember what we contributed to their weddings. We could just give her half and she isn’t the type to question it.

My husband said he can’t put his finger on why, but he feels uneasy with that. I think it’s fine if we don’t tell Daughter but are honest with her if she asks, which she is unlikely to do. Do you think we should tell her or not? — Anonymous

If it’s fine, then why the shenanigans? Why not just make the offer outright to your daughter?

Yes, it’s your money, so you can use it as you please. But I could easily come up with reasons to offer her the same money you gave the others and let the couple decide for themselves on sibling travel ....

Fortunately, though, I don’t have to type out any, since your husband’s discomfort is enough. Why would you push for something he feels funny about?