Penny-pinch­ing couple has cause to cel­e­brate

Austin American-Statesman - - COMICS - Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Our house will soon be paid off. My hus­band and I would like to have a party to cel­e­brate, but we’re not sure if we should.

None of our friends are any­where close to pay­ing off their mort­gages. We made the choice to drive old cars while our friends all have beau­ti­ful new ones, and we were gen­uinely happy for them each time they proudly showed them off.

I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I am our friends’ emer­gency con­tact for their kids at school. They have taken amaz­ing va­ca­tions, and we have en­joyed their sto­ries and pho­to­graphs. We used the time and money trips would have cost to stay home and work on projects around the house. We haven’t en­vied them; we just had dif­fer­ent goals.

Should we cel­e­brate this — just the two of us, or with our friends? — Dif­fer­ent Goals in New Mex­ico

Dear Dif­fer­ent Goals: True friends cel­e­brate each other’s vic­to­ries. With no more mort­gage to pay, you and your hus­band will now be able to en­joy some of the things your friends have been en­joy­ing all these years. While some cou­ples would pre­fer to mark the oc­ca­sion with a spe­cial din­ner at a nice restau­rant, if you’re in­clined to do oth­er­wise, then throw a party. You de­serve it.

Dear Abby: I have been mar­ried to a won­der­ful man for 38 years. The is­sue is that some­times I get in­sanely jeal­ous. It isn’t an every­day oc­cur­rence, but I be­come inse­cure be­cause I feel my hus­band is too at­trac­tive to other women.

My hus­band is very out­go­ing and I am an in­tro­vert. I find my­self ac­cus­ing him, and he tells me I need to stop it. He re­as­sures me that I’m the only woman he loves and wants in his life.

I don’t want to de­stroy our won­der­ful mar­riage. I consider my­self at­trac­tive. I need to stop let­ting my lack of self-con­fi­dence get the best of me. Please help. — Inse­cure in Ohio

Dear Inse­cure: I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your feel­ings mag­i­cally dis­ap­pear, but I can’t. The an­swer to your prob­lem lies in find­ing out the cause of your deep-seated in­se­cu­rity, be­cause that’s what trig­gers your jeal­ousy. Un­til you do, noth­ing will change. A li­censed men­tal health pro­fes­sional can help you get to the root of it and pro­vide the tools to deal with it. Your physician should be able to re­fer you to some­one who is qual­i­fied.

Dear Abby: I’ve been with my hus­band for five years, but we’ve been mar­ried only for a year. He told me a few months ago that his ex-girl­friend said he is the fa­ther of her child. We did a home DNA test and it showed he is not the fa­ther. In spite of that, my hus­band in­sists he still wants to take care of the child. I don’t know what to do. Please help. — Thrown in New York

Dear Thrown: It ap­pears that what your hus­band wants is to main­tain a close tie to the child’s mother, be­cause that is what will hap­pen if he takes fi­nan­cial re­spon­si­bil­ity for her child. Tell your hus­band you want to dis­cuss this with the help of a pro­fes­sional me­di­a­tor, prefer­ably a mar­riage coun­selor. If he re­fuses, talk to an at­tor­ney be­cause you may be need­ing one.

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