Woman’s boyfriend hides her from his fam­ily

Austin American-Statesman - - MONEY & MARKETS - Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby

Dear Abby: I’m 51 and my boyfriend is 43. We’ve been dat­ing for eight months, liv­ing to­gether for five. We met at work a few months be­fore we started dat­ing. We get along great and never ar­gue, but he won’t let me meet his fam­ily.

He has never been mar­ried and has no chil­dren. He sees his mom and brother some­times for din­ner and such, but be­cause his mom doesn’t have any grand­chil­dren and I can’t give her any, he said he’s not ready to tell her about me. Does this make sense? — Out­sider in Louisiana

Dear Out­sider: If, af­ter eight months of dat­ing and liv­ing to­gether for five, you still haven’t met his fam­ily, he has no in­ten­tion of in­tro­duc­ing you — ever. Your in­abil­ity to give his mother grand­chil­dren has noth­ing to do with it. You are a hu­man be­ing, not a brood­mare, and the ex­cuse he’s giv­ing you makes no sense. Pic­ture this sce­nario: “Hey, Ma, this is ‘Becky’ and she’s fer­tile!” Puh-leeze!

Dear Abby: My sis­ter, who is very re­li­gious, sent my gay daugh­ter a Bi­ble with her name en­graved on it for Christ­mas, even though we told her — af­ter she asked for sug­ges­tions — that a gift card would be more ap­pro­pri­ate. We are not re­li­gious, by the way.

My wife and I feel strange about it, as if my sis­ter is try­ing to tell us some­thing like, “Your gay daugh­ter needs re­li­gion.” How should we re­spond to this? — Baf­fled in the East

Dear Baf­fled: You do not have to re­spond. The Bi­ble was a gift for your daugh­ter, and the “priv­i­lege” of ac­knowl­edg­ing it, ig­nor­ing it or regift­ing it is hers. What I do not rec­om­mend is al­low­ing your sis­ter’s gift choice to be­come an ar­gu­ment about your fam­ily’s val­ues.

Dear Abby: I’ve re­cently rekin­dled an old ro­mance with a won­der­ful guy. Only one thing mars our re­la­tion­ship. When we go out to eat, we don’t carry on a con­ver­sa­tion past oc­ca­sional chitchat. The prob­lem may be that while he’s a speedy eater, I’m slow. I feel bad about not be­ing able to talk and chew fast enough to keep up, so he fin­ishes well be­fore me and ends up wait­ing quite a while un­til I pol­ish off my meal.

Can you of­fer any sug­ges­tions on how to come to a com­pro­mise where din­ner isn’t a race to the fin­ish line, but an ex­pe­ri­ence full of laugh­ter and dis­cus­sion? — Slower in Cal­i­for­nia

Dear Slower: Yes, but it may in­volve mak­ing the meal even longer. If there’s a topic you would like to ex­plore with him, put down your fork, swal­low your food and speak up. In Europe it’s com­mon for peo­ple to linger over their meal and com­mu­ni­cate with each other. This prac­tice not only fos­ters deeper re­la­tion­ships, but there are also health ben­e­fits to eat­ing slowly. Be­cause you’re a cou­ple, you should feel com­fort­able enough to ask him to slow down so your con­ver­sa­tion can f low more eas­ily.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.