Griev­ing mom has cause to ig­nore dead baby’s dad

Austin American-Statesman - - THE PLANNER - Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby

Dear Abby: My son “Jake” was born last June. His fa­ther was a good friend who I thought I loved and that he loved me. The day I told him I was preg­nant, he dis­ap­peared.

Our baby boy just passed away from SIDS. I’m strug­gling with Jake’s loss and plan­ning his funeral while tak­ing care of my 5-year-old son. Jake’s fa­ther had his mother call and threaten me. She said, “His name bet­ter not be listed any­where in the obituary!”

I’m at a loss about how to deal with both of them. I did not list the fa­ther’s name any­where, but it was my choice. Af­ter the funeral I’m not sure if I want to see ei­ther one of them ever again. Any ad­vice? — Griev­ing in Colorado

Dear Griev­ing: Iamso sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Yes, I do have a word of ad­vice. Even in the midst of your grief, you are think­ing clearly. Why you would ever want con­tact with ei­ther of those de­spi­ca­ble in­di­vid­u­als again is be­yond me. Feel free to write them off and go on with your life.

Dear Abby: My co-worker and I have been see­ing each other for a while now. We are both mar­ried. I am sep­a­rated — my hus­band moved out — while “Chip” is still at home with his wife and kids. He says he loves me and plans on leav­ing his fam­ily.

I have de­cided I don’t want him af­ter all. I have told him to stay with his wife, but Chip keeps want­ing to “talk.” We see each other at work ev­ery day. It’s un­com­fort­able around co-work­ers.

I’ve been look­ing for an­other job (for other rea­sons). I feel ashamed, and I don’t want to be the “other woman.” I don’t know whether to wait for him or just walk out. — Lost in Ari­zona

Dear Lost: Chip knows you are am­biva­lent, which is why he wants to keep talk­ing to you. If you meant what you wrote, that you do not want to be the other woman, then end the af­fair once and for all and — as you put it — just walk out.

Dear Abby: I have worked in var­i­ous re­tail places for many years. I am sur­prised at how some par­ents al­low their chil­dren to run amok in stores and fail to teach them how to be­have in pub­lic places.

When this hap­pens, and there’s a dan­ger of them run­ning into ta­bles and cus­tomers (I have seen it hap­pen), should the em­ploy­ees say some­thing to the chil­dren? Or should they no­tify the man­ager about the dis­rup­tive chil­dren, and let the man­ager talk to the par­ents or the chil­dren? Should it be an­nounced over the in­ter­com that chil­dren need to stay with their par­ents?

What’s the best way to han­dle this com­mon prob­lem? A place of busi­ness is not a play­ground. Dig­ni­fied pay­ing cus­tomers who are there to sup­port the busi­ness are of­fended by the lack of dis­ci­pline some chil­dren are al­lowed to dis­play. — Pay­ing Cus­tomer

Dear Pay­ing Cus­tomer: If you take it upon your­self to “cor­rect” the inat­ten­tive par­ent, the per­son is sure to be­come de­fen­sive. A bet­ter way to han­dle it would be to point it out to the man­ager of the es­tab­lish­ment and let him or her deal with it, be­cause if some­one were to be hurt on the premises, there could be le­gal im­pli­ca­tions.

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