Friend with ben­e­fits turns out to be dis­ap­point­ment

Austin American-Statesman - - COMICS & PUZZLES - Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby

Dear Abby: I have known this guy “Noah” for six years. We’re mostly just friends with ben­e­fits, but I’ve al­ways had deeper feel­ings for him. I al­ways wanted to see where things could go be­tween us, so I men­tioned it to him. He told me that if he didn’t al­ready have a girl­friend, he would have dated me. So when they broke up, I waited pa­tiently.

I con­tin­ued be­ing a good friend to Noah, giv­ing him ad­vice and putting my own feel­ings off to the side. Then just when I felt us get­ting to an­other level in our re­la­tion­ship, he told me he had an­other girl­friend and we needed to stop. I would never sleep with a guy who is with some­one else. I’m not that type of girl.

What should I do? I’m con­fused and hurt at the same time. Should I bring up my feel­ings again? Just let him go? Or should I keep him in my life, but in a friend-only way? — Jumbled Emo­tions

Dear Jumbled: I don’t blame you for feel­ing con­fused. When some­one’s words and ac­tions don’t match, some­thing is wrong. If Noah had been hon­est, you would have had your chance with him.

I vote for let­ting him go be­cause you want more than he’s ap­par­ently able to give. If you do, it may hurt for a while, but it will make it eas­ier for you to find some­one who can love you back.

Dear Abby: We re­cently lost one of our cher­ished pets, our old­est cat, Mandy. We never had chil­dren, so our pets ARE our chil­dren.

I get that peo­ple who have never had pets don’t un­der­stand the joy and un­con­di­tional love they can bring. But I don’t un­der­stand why peo­ple we thought were close to us haven’t ac­knowl­edged our loss in any way. Some of them have — or had — pets at one time. A few did send cards or emails, and they were so ap­pre­ci­ated. Their kind­ness will never be for­got­ten.

Mandy wasn’t sickly. She just stopped eat­ing one day. When we took her to the vet a few days af­ter try­ing ev­ery­thing we could think of, the di­ag­no­sis was kid­ney can­cer. A cou­ple of days later we had to make the heart­break­ing de­ci­sion to put her to sleep.

My ques­tion is, am I ex­pect­ing too much of peo­ple? Af­ter all, you wouldn’t ig­nore the death of a hu­man child. I’m not only dis­ap­pointed but re­sent­ful that these so-called friends and fam­ily don’t seem to care.

I sup­pose to some Mandy was “just a cat.” But to us, she was our beloved furry child and we are devastated. Please in­form peo­ple that a kind word or short note would mean the world to peo­ple like us who are suf­fer­ing real grief. — Deeply Griev­ing in Illi­nois

Dear Deeply Griev­ing: Please let me of­fer my con­do­lences for the loss of Mandy. I know from per­sonal ex­pe­ri­ence what you are go­ing through, and it is very painful. That’s why I’m re­mind­ing read­ers that when they hear of some­one los­ing a beloved pet, the kind­est thing one can do is to of­fer sym­pa­thy with a phone call, an email or a card. Be­lieve me, the ef­fort WILL be ap­pre­ci­ated and never for­got­ten.

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