‘Experiential dinners’ bill means bring on the beer
I realize that by being an obnoxious prohibitionist (is there any other kind?), I’m probably missing out on some things in life, such as the joy of swirling a wine glass while saying things like, “flaccid, yet horny.” (Thanks to the late, great Robin Williams for that one.)
And, it turns out, all lawabiding Texans (is there any other kind?) also might be missing out on some alcohol-related fun because of the laws of our fine state.
House Bill 3003 by state Rep. John Kuempel, R-Seguin, seeks to remedy that by allowing “experiential dinners.” In this context, “experiential” means what lots of words mean in lots of Texas contexts: beer.
On the House floor on a recent Monday, hours before a committee hearing on his HB 3003, Kuempel seemed a bit flummoxed when I asked him to explain experiential dinners. Looking comfy in his seafoam — I have trouble with colors so I asked another journalist to pinpoint this one — seersucker suit, Kuempel said he wasn’t quite ready to discuss the topic.
Nothing wrong with that. These are busy days at the Capitol, and legislators are legislating their brains out. I got a long and close-up look at just how busy they are as I waited for HB 3003 to come up for a hearing April 17 at the House Licensing and Administrative Procedures Committee, chaired by Kuempel, who’s as affable and entertaining as his late dad, former Rep. Edmund Kuempel.
I highly recommend this committee if you enjoy an eclectic mix of topics. On this particular afternoon and evening, the committee contemplated — in addition to experiential dinners — diesel engines, eyebrow threading, gambling devices, the eligibility of certain persons for massage therapist licenses, fireworks inspections, vehicle towing and who can shampoo your hair. (And, in general, don’t let a guy who tows your car also shampoo your hair.)
We also heard lengthy testimony on a cosmetology industry intramural battle on whether cosmetology school should be trimmed (clipped? shaved? sheared?) from the current 1,500 hours to 1,000 hours. (If you miss the cosmetology exam, do you get to take a makeup?)
So, having nothing better to do, I sat through four hours of testimony in hopes of learning more about experiential dinners. HB 3003 finally came up. It took one minute. I didn’t learn much.
HB 3003 defines an experiential dinner as “a prescheduled and private event during which invited consumers and alcoholic beverage retailer employees of legal drinking age are provided with an opportunity to attend a dinner for the purpose of ...”
There are three listed pur-