How to talk to children about the shooting,
It is vital to reassure them they are safe at both home and school.
Another school shooting. How do we explain this to our kids? Sometimes it can feel like: “What can you say that you haven’t said multiple times this school year?”
In October, Jane Ripperger-Suhler, a child psychiatrist at Seton’s Texas Child Study Center, had this advice for parents about how much we should say about a shooting such as the one in Las Vegas that had happened at the time. It’s good advice for what has happened Friday.
We need to be careful about who is watching TV with us and how we explain it.
“It really depends on the developmental level of the kids,” she says. Consider how you think your child will take what they see on TV, she says. “I wouldn’t watch a lot with preschooler.”
For kids already in school, you can watch some with them, but be prepared to talk about it and answer their questions. You can ask things like: “What do you think about this?” “What questions do you have?” Engage if they want to talk about it, she says, but “I wouldn’t force them to talk about this.”
Explain things in the simplest yet factual way you can. You could say, “A kid walked into a school and shot students.”
You can focus on how you are feeling, that you’re upset and that you also don’t understand why this happened. But be careful about how you are reacting. “If a parent swoons or becomes frantic, a child is going to do likewise.”
Most importantly, remind kids that they are safe, that you will keep them safe and that when they are at school, their teachers will keep them safe.
If your child seems to be fixated on what happened in these shootings, you could encourage them to draw, build something or act something out if they don’t want to talk about it.
If they don’t seem to be able to move on after a few days, are afraid to go to school, are too scared to go to bed, are having physical symptoms of stress or behavior problems, get them help sooner rather than later, Ripperger-Suhler says.
Be especially aware if a child has experienced a trauma before. Watching a scene on TV will not cause post-traumatic stress disorder, she says, but it can be more traumatic and disturbing to some kids.
Ripperger-Suhler says it’s important to go about normal life — and that normal life means going to school.
“Parenting is hard, and it’s really hard when all this stuff is happening,” says Julia Hoke, director of psychological services at Austin Child Guidance Center. “We have to reassure them we are safe. It’s the thing you have to do.”
You also want to be authentic and genuine, Hoke says, but you have to put up a wall and not show them the true depths of our fear and anxiety. “They are going to take the cue from us.”
Whenever there is an act of violence or terror, such as shootings in public places and schools or the bombings in Austin in March, how much you say should depend on how old your children are, Hoke says. Very young kids might not need you to say much of anything.
For older kids, give them a simplified version of what is happening. Prepare yourself for what you are going to say and check your emotions before you talk to them. “Our inhibition isn’t as good when we’re feeling stressed out ourselves.”
Many kids already will know what is happening, because schools will be talking about it, their friends will be talking about it, and they have access to social media. They are looking to their parents and teachers to reassure them.
“Your goal in talking to your child is making sure they are feeling safe,” she says. Don’t go into graphic or gory details. “Even with older kids, you don’t want to overshare.”
That also might mean you limit their access to TV news and social media right now. You might not want to have the news running in the background at all times. You’re trying to avoid exposing kids (and really yourself, too) to a secondary trauma.
Give them updates, but remind them that adults and law enforcement are going to do everything they can to keep them safe. And tell them that if they see something weird with one of their friends or classmates or are concerned about one of their classmates, they should tell an adult immediately.
one student was grazed with a bullet when a 14-year-old boy fired a revolver at Pearl C. Anderson Middle School in Dallas.
On May 15, 2001, a 16-yearold boy fatally shot himself at Ennis High School in Ennis.
On April 7, 2005, a man shot a coach in the chest at Canton High School in Canton.
On Jan. 27, 2006, a 16-yearold boy accidentally fired a semiautomatic handgun into the floor at Lakeview Centennial High School in Garland, and two girls were struck with bullet fragments.
On Sept. 8, 2006, a resource officer shot a 15-year-old student in the chest after being attacked by a group of teenagers at South Hills High School in Fort Worth.
On May 15, 2007, a 14-yearold boy fired a shot in a bathroom at Liberty Memorial Middle School in Los Fresnos. No one was injured.
On April 19, 2011, a 6-yearold boy accidentally fired a gun in the cafeteria at Ross Elementary School in Houston, injuring two students and himself.
On Jan. 4, 2012, police officers at Cummings Middle School in Brownsville fired multiple rounds at a 15-year-old boy with
an 18-yearold man shot a 16-year-old boy at North Forest High School in Houston.
On Oct. 15, 2013, a teenage boy shot and killed himself in a courtyard during lunch at Lanier High School in Austin.
On Oct. 15, 2015, a 22-yearold woman shot at the school principal’s empty car at Karen Wagner High School in San Antonio.
On Sept. 78, 2016, a 14-yearold girl shot another student in a bathroom at Alpine High School in Alpine before killing herself.
On Jan. 22, 2018, a 16-yearold boy at Italy High School in Italy shot a 15-year-old girl he previously dated.
It appears that at least one Texas school shooting is missing from the Post’s database: A student shot himself at Seguin High School in Seguin on April 17, 2015. He later died.
According to the FBI’s definition of a mass shooting, one with four or more victims, the Santa Fe shooting is the only one in the Post’s database considered a mass shooting.