CAROLYN HAX

DEAR CAROLYN: My son and his fiancee bought a condo close, which flooded. They moved in with us and repairs have taken longer than anticipated.

His fiancee, “Laura,” is an intense introvert. For that reason, I gave up my exercise, TV and craft room for her to have “alone” time.

The problem? She feels trapped when she must eat at the table with us. It’s obvious she would rather eat in the bedroom or not eat.

I really don’t want anyone eating in other rooms due to roaches, ants, mice, rats, etc. I was even told she hated family get-togethers before they moved in. It seems this is an extreme introversion, or maybe I just don’t understand it.

— Anonymous

You actually don’t need to understand it.

You don’t even need to accommodate it, technically, since it’s your home. In this case, just say: — You’re sorry to hear Laura isn’t comfortable;

— She’s welcome to handle her meals as she wishes, of course;

— And she’s always welcome at your table. That’s it. Donesies. It’s not personal so don’t take it personally; it’s not your business so don’t make it so.

The vermin thing would make it your business because it’s your home, sure, but that concern is also a red herring unless Laura is a messy eater and/or leaves crusty dishes around.

So, drop it. Drop it all. Your best chance that she’ll be comfortable with you eventually is for you to be at ease with her.

I hope your more outgoing son understands fully the life he’s committing to and is ready to compensate and compromise to get his own social needs met.