CAROLYN HAX

I have an excellent memory for details and while it’s a great asset in my work, it seems to be a detriment in my personal life.

I can remember innocuous things people said or did or what they wore many months later. Sometimes I bring this up because something in the present time relates to it, but when I do that, people act like I’m making things up — but if I show them proof with a picture or a text, then they act freaked out.

I blurt things out without thinking because it shows I’m interested in them. I’m talking about things like, “Hey, you wore that the last time we all went to the movies, is that your superhero viewing shirt?”

Why is this such an issue with a lot of people?

Yes, you’re showing interest — but you can also appear interested, because they’re filtering your remarks through the experience of having typical brains that have typical disposal mechanisms for minutiae. So, for them to remember someone’s shirt from weeks or months ago, plus the context in which it was worn, they’d have to be waaaayyyyy interested in that person. Like, crushingverging-on-stalkery-obsessed interested.

So I suggest you either stop sharing so many of the things you notice, or start sharing more about your quirky retention of detail. If they know you’re that way, then you can all treat it more openly as your parlortrick brain thing.

You might be interested in Marilu Henner, who wrote a book about her super memory. I hope you are, at least, because if you read it you’ll be stuck with it.