CAROLYN HAX

During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation again. This talker also never inquires about what might be new or important in the lives of her close relatives in the room.

My husband and kids really have a hard time being around the talker. We have reduced our visits with this person to only when out-oftown relatives are visiting.

Is there any way to encourage this person to let others talk? I leave these get-togethers frustrated that, while I was with family members for three hours, I didn’t have an opportunity to hear what’s going on in their lives.

There are always ways. The question is, are you willing to use them?

There’s refereeing: “That’s interesting, Chatty — hold that thought. Right now [someone else] is answering a question about her life.”

There’s also self-sacrifice. “Chatty, let’s go for a walk/ start dinner/make a run to the store.” Take turns and you’ll each buy the others precious chances to talk.

There are gimmicks: “Let’s go around the table and have each person give an update.”

These are gentle, and fair — to a talker perhaps most of all, since having people avoid Chatty seems to be the alternative. That isolates him or her, of course, which leads to loneliness, which probably started the overtalking in the first place, which then will only get worse. A firmer hand might be the softest touch.