Your friend’s final wish: ‘Take care of my pet’
Q: A terminally ill friend asks you to take care of his or her pet. What if you can’t?
Don’t say yes before thinking through all the ramifications.
First, ask your friend for time to consider the request. Remind him or her that this is a big decision and that you need to consult with your family.
Next, make sure you are being honest with yourself. Do you or a family member have allergies that may make it hard to keep a pet? Do you live in a building that doesn’t allow animals?
You may have to explain that while you want to take in the animal, you are unable to do so. You could offer to instead help your friend find a new home for the animal.
It’s easy to panic here and start thinking in terms of worst-case scenarios. “I take the pet, and I’m sniffling and gasping all the time because of my allergy.” Or, “I don’t take the pet, and I’m wracked with guilt, and my friend’s ghost haunts me. Either way, my life is ruined.”
So don’t panic. If it would make you happy to take the pet, then everyone wins. But suppose you don’t want the pet, maybe because of your allergies, or maybe you’re just not a big fan of cats or dogs.
Then you should work with your friend to find another option — finding another friend or acquaintance or some other caring person who would be willing to adopt.
The trope of “you must obey a dying wish” is part of the plot of some great books and movies, but you shouldn’t let that sway you. of psychology and cognitive science at Yale University and author of the upcoming book “Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion” Social Graces is a series asking two experts for advice on awkward situations. Andreea Ciulac is a freelancer.