Dating pricey for singles, but value seen in process
If you’re single, you know: Dating is expensive. All those cups of coffee and drinks add up quickly.
The average unmarried American spent $1,596 on their dating life in 2016, according to a Match.com survey of 5,500 singles around the country. In some cities the average is higher. For example, in Chicago, it was $1,815.72; in New York, $2,069.
This average takes bar tabs and dating site memberships into account but also includes haircuts, manicures and new date outfits; entrance fees to dating events; and money spent on matchmakers.
When that $1,600 average is divided by gender, men spent more ($1,855 on average) than women ($1,423). But the malefemale gap isn’t that large. Perhaps that’s because, increasingly, men and women are splitting the checks on dates. About half of men, according to the Match survey, think men should pay on dates; 36 percent of women agree.
Seventy-eight percent of women said they split the check on a date because they didn’t want to feel obligated to go out again or to get physical. But 47 percent of women said they offer to pay to be polite or to assert their independence. This shift is generational: Millennials are more likely to offer to split the check than are Generation Xers or baby boomers.
I spoke about this study with Dayana Yochim, a consumer finance specialist for NerdWallet, who noted that it was a chunk of money. Depending on where you live, that might be more than half of one month’s rent or mortgage payment, or about half the average 2016 tax refund ($3,000). But it might be a good investment.
“It doesn’t seem very high to me, honestly. If you only go out on one date a year, and this is what you’re spending,” then that’s a problem, Yochim said. But for 20 dates a year, that’s about $80 a date per person.
She stressed the importance of aligning spending with your life goals.
“If finding love and dating is on your high-priority list, and you’re feeling the financial pinch from what you’re spending, then look elsewhere in your budget,” Yochim said. “What else are you spending on that’s not bringing you joy or not bringing you closer to your life goals? Cut back there.”
Of course, dating isn’t a purely financial decision.
“Studies show that people get a lot more lasting happiness when they spend … on experiences rather than things, and I think that’s an important distinction to make here,” Yochim said. “Even if it’s a bad date, you have a story. You have something to laugh about or cry about with your friends.”
For those looking to cut back on what they spend on dates, Yochim suggested modest first meetups, like an iced tea and a stroll in the park. And if someone suggests a restaurant that’s out of your price range, don’t feel pressured to go along with it.
“You can say, ‘Hey, that sounds great, but how about something more casual? Or something that’s not going to make me wonder if I can cover my rent,’ ” Yochim said.