Baltimore Sun Sunday

Leave kid’s room alone

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spot away from parents and siblings where they can shed a tear and be alone with their thoughts, said Vivian Seltzer, who was a professor of human developmen­t and behavior at the University of Pennsylvan­ia for more than 35 years and is now a psychologi­st in private practice working with adolescent­s.

“It’s like a beloved sweater they feel comfortabl­e in, good in, secret in,” Seltzer said.

She recommends leaving a child’s bedroom intact for as long as possible during the college years.

Of course, it’s not always possible to leave the room untouched, especially in larger families. But any possible change or new use should be discussed with the child, after the parents make sure they agree with each other, Seltzer said.

“That’s very important because a lot of times they don’t,” she said. “One of them has had an eye on that room and hasn’t mentioned it to the other.”

Talk with your child about any plans for the room several months before it’s time to go, she recommende­d. “Get this topic into the discussion well ahead of time, so that it isn’t on the verge of the child leaving for college, which is a very emotional period,” Seltzer said. You don’t want them to come home for Christmas break and be shocked, “saying their whole room has changed; it’s been taken away from them.”

It can be easy to keep the room largely the same and still use it when your child is away. If you need to sit at the desk, store your child’s possession­s somewhere safe and private. You can tell your son or daughter that guests may stay in the room, but it will be ready for them on school breaks.

“Enjoy the space and use the space in a smart way,” Panos said. “When the kid comes home, it’s their space, but the three weekends out of the month they’re not home, you can still use it while still preserving a soft, comfy place for them when they come home. I do not believe you need to keep the room a shrine to your child.”

Give the room a declutteri­ng and a deep cleaning, but make sure you don’t throw away objects special to your child.

After the first year, you’ll have learned how often your child comes home, for how long and with how much stuff. “Once you have a better understand­ing of that, you can plan out some changes that make sense for your needs and for how your kid feels about the room,” Panos said.

Then maybe you’ll replace the queensize bed with a twin bed or a daybed to free up more space, Panos said. You might repaint in a neutral color or buy nicer linens for guests. Continue talking with your child about changes.

Remember, even kids who may seem too cool for school about their room probably really do care about it, tattered posters, rug stains and all. It’s a place filled with memories, one that bears a personal and sentimenta­l stamp years in the making. “Don’t underestim­ate the importance of that space for a growing child, even if it’s a kid who acts like it’s no big deal,” Panos said. “It is a big deal.”

 ?? BETTER HOMES & GARDENS ?? Talk with your child about plans for the room months before it’s time to go. Give the room a declutteri­ng and a cleaning, butdon’t throw away objects special to your child.
BETTER HOMES & GARDENS Talk with your child about plans for the room months before it’s time to go. Give the room a declutteri­ng and a cleaning, butdon’t throw away objects special to your child.
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