Self-care or self-sabotage?
Holidays are not just for things like spending time with family, sharing and giving. Holidays, more than ever, are about yourself. Why? Because the holiday industrial complex has been cleverly spiking the eggnog with ideas like “Treat yourself.”
Exhausted from pondering which gift to get the dad who has everything? Reward yourself for being so thoughtful by getting a gift ... for yourself. Stressed-out from cooking that big family dinner? How about an extra-large caramel latte that “feels like a big, warm hug” (according to Starbucks)? Hey, everybody deserves a hug. Feet aching from shopping all day? You probably need a diamond dust pedicure.
Holiday time was always a time when overindulgence came out of the closet, only to slink back in during January’s bleak self-improvement frenzy. But recently, overindulgence has expanded its territory: Now it’s a part of treatyourself culture, a phenomenon that has been blamed on the television show “Parks and Recreation” (the show spawned “Treat Yo Self,” a meme that became an almost-holiday of its own); or on millennials (they’re so individualistic); or on social media (has there ever been more fertile ground for narcissism than Instagram?) Treating yourself, of course, sounds fun, and judgement-free — not like overindulgence, which sounds stodgy and like you’re doing something wrong. And if you’re worried | about the bald consumerism “treat yourself ” implies, you can tap into the next wave: “self-care.”
Self-care is a concept with legitimate psychological and intellectual roots: In the 1980s, it was an idea articulated by philosopher Michel Foucault, referring to feeding of the intellect, and became a much-quoted activist anthem when Audre Lorde wrote that self-care was self-preservation, and “that is an act of political warfare.” Decades later, self-care saw a huge spike in Google searches in the days after the 2016 election. Lorde’s concept — selfcare as armor against a hostile environment — has caught like wildfire; except now the thing we’re fighting is mostly just daily stress. And, according to the long lists of “self-care products” out there, also stuff like bad smells (fight those with aromatherapy diffusers), low energy (beat it by using sleep-inducing pillow spray) and unsightly feet and hands (try soothing foot masks.) While you’re treating yourself to all those things, don’t forget the weighted blankets, which make you feel as if you’re getting “a gentle full-body hug.” Everybody (who has $87.90) deserves a hug, right?
Suddenly, “self-care” is like the glasses “treat yourself ” started wearing to make itself look smart.
In fact, psychologists say, a lot of what we’re calling self-care these days isn’t really self-care at all. It’s self-sabotage: behavior that, if we’re not careful, can have real consequences in the form of higher credit card balances or a slide into habits that end up making us feel bad. “If it’s hurting you, it’s probably not treating you,” says psychotherapist Emily Roberts. “It’s really treating yourself with disrespect.” Roberts, author of “Express Yourself: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Speaking Up and Being Who You Are,” admits this can be a little confusing: How do you recognize true self-care in a world that’s constantly commanding you to treat yourself? How do you stop treating yourself from becoming self-sabotage? to function smoothly and reduces an underlying level of stress that can lead to self-sabotage. what you really want next time. And if you feel a little sick 20 minutes later because of the extra sugar, notice that too.” Being aware lets you take stock of the costs, plan for next time and also savor something that’s totally worth it.