Getting together with vaccinated friends when you’re still at risk for COVID-19
Q: Some friends in your circle have received the coronavirus vaccine and want to get together. You haven’t received your vaccine yet, and your friends don’t think you’re still at risk around them. How should you handle it?
A: I might say, “Having received the shot, you probably want to ensure that you’re completely safe (as we know the vaccine isn’t yet 100% effective), so I’m going to decline.” Or, “In the interest of your health, I’m going to pass, since I’ve not yet been vaccinated.” What you’re really saying is, “I’m not comfortable,” but you’re phrasing it in such a way that you’re thinking about your friends and not yourself.
It’s OK to say “no,” and we often find ourselves doing the opposite in an effort to be nice. But we can say “no” and still be nice. If you learn to say no in a firm and compassionate manner, you are not only respecting the other person, you are also sending a clear, polite message and will hopefully receive the same consideration in return.
— Susy Fossati, etiquette expert and founder of Avignon Etiquette
A: Part of the issue here is that there’s still risk with people who are vaccinated — at least it appears so with preliminary data. Less risk is certainly not no risk, and if you feel uncomfortable with that, know that it is completely valid.
When setting boundaries, I think it’s important to communicate the boundary and your feelings around the boundary, and to talk about the relationship.
People are very alone right now. They’re missing their friends. So when communicating, try something like, “I really love you guys. I do want to see you. I do want to spend time with you. It’s not about that; it’s about my sense of risk and me needing to set a boundary for myself.”
— Jason Best, therapist, founder of Best Therapies, and lecturer, University of Chicago