What country will Trump try to buy next?

An imagined week in the real estate scheming of our tweeter in chief

“Denmark is a very special country with incredible people, but based on Prime Minister Frederiksen’s comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting”— President Donald Trump on Tuesday

“I thought that the prime minister’s statement that it was an absurd idea [to buy Greenland] was nasty.” — President Trump to reporters on Wednesday

“The United Kingdom is a very special country with incredible people, especially @RealEngland Boris Johnson. But he said he has no interest in discussing our purchase of Scotland, so I’m not going to pay taxes on my golf courses there.”— President Trump on Thursday morning

“Can we buy Quebec from the French? Justin Trudeau is very nasty. I’m postponing my meeting with him for, like, forever.”— President Trump on Thursday

“I never knew that Kashmir was such a big deal until Prime Minister Modi asked me to mediate there. It has a lot to do with religion. Is it also for sale? Talk about a big deal!” — President Trump on Friday morning

“I love Rodrigo Duterte, and the Philippines are incredible. Maybe we can buy them back? People are saying that we used to own them.” — President Trump on Friday afternoon

“El Paso was part of Mexico! Time to return it, along with that nasty Beto O’Rourke. Whose rallies are bigger now?” — President Trump on Saturday morning

“Big problem in Hong Kong. But the problem goes away if we purchase it from China. Somebody had to do it. I am the Chosen One.” — President Trump on Saturday afternoon

“Haiti? Are you kidding? I won’t even think about buying that s—-hole until their price comes way, way down.” — President Trump on Sunday morning

“I just got a lovely letter from Chairman Kim, who wants to purchase South Korea. He can take it! One more bad property off our real estate portfolio.”— President Trump on Sunday afternoon

“New England is all blue-states now, and very disloyal and nasty. Do you think @RealEngland wants them back?”— President Trump on Monday morning

“Would Putin give us Kazakhstan, if we give him California? More oil and gas, and less of that nasty Nancy Pelosi. What’s not to like?”— President Trump on Monday afternoon

“Have you noticed how many women are nasty?”— President Trump on Monday night